Luminosity

Asalaam Alaikum Warahmat Allah Wabarakatu:

So we are back ‘home’ but not home! Let me explain.  I’m not in Madinah! The kids & I are (temporarily inshaAllah) reintigrated back in the US. The looks, the questions, the remarks, and comments are something else..and I am not talking about those made towards us! My children are little and even the oldest has found a few things surprising. Surprisingly pleasant, and surprisingly…well, shocking! Can’t get into it now, but inshaAllah we are here for the summer so hopefully some can be shared later in another post. Please keep us in your duaa (and my family who we are staying with here & husband please) if you can remember, and especially those of you who are heading towards bait’ALLAH, or visiting our beloved Nabi, alayhee salaat wa’salam.  Being away from Madinah makes me more greedy for duaa to be made on our behalf, sorry! My emailing and responses to comments are kind of slow these days, but I do still check at least once a day, might be a few days for me to get back inshaAllah..unless there’s an urgent question or something that I might be able to help clarify.

 May Allah increase us all in Eman, Sabr, Ihsaan, Taqwa & Birr..Ameen. Doesn’t this Ummah need so much more of it?

and ALLAH is the Best of Planners…

Saudi schools are brutal.  This is my girls first year in one and even though istikhaara was made prior to enrolling them, istikhaara must be made again for this next coming year.  These past few weeks have been nothing short of a daily bullying fest.  One girl is pretty much livid that Sign won’t pretend to agree with all she says, follow her ways, or marvel at her words.  As if there’s only one.  Mercy smiles and get’s dirty looks for a complement. Subhan’Allah. In return, backbiting, slander and all that laghw’ is being produced out of the mouths of 3rd grade girls, and in of all places.. Madinah. I hear the problems with the boys schools are much more physical.  I have said it before, I don’t even want to consider my little guy going to school because it seems like I’ll have to give up a part of my maternal right to actually see where he’ll be most waking hours of his day.  Anyways, I’m pretty sure these ill behaviors are an embedded negative trait throughout the Kingdom, its obvious just by observing the adults who think its normal to cut lines at the supermarket.  I know it goes on in the US, but it can be dealt with rationally there, here it’s a different story. 

The Saudi culture here promotes the attitude to sweep problems under the rug rather than dealing with them.  A clear example how culture and Islam are not compatible.  I see this especially with the way children are raised.  Give a child a lollipop if he cries and commend her when she talks back rudely to the teacher rather than encouraging respect.  Ok, so I am exaggerating a bit.  Maybe its the school my daughters are in, but then when I speak to other Western moms, I hear that this a widespread problem everywhere around here.  The more deen one has in ones’ heart the better character one tends to possess around here in Madinah.  This is not the case of people in the West, because you often see people who are not Muslim with great manners but their purpose are of different intentions: for business, to avoid trouble, for teaching..for fame or poularity, for recognition and rewards or even certificates.  Not for the pure sake of pleasing Allah. 

Really, the more devout someone seems (and I say seems because only Allah Knows the condition of people) the more likely they are to smile, extend salaams, share, and be kind and be of those who love following the Sunnah and have Islam in the forefronts of their hearts.  The less they seem to have, the more rude they are in lines, interrupting, pushing, tend not to extend salaams.  Encouraging children to say please, thank you, not to stare, not to pick noses in public are just a few simple norms in child-rearing in the home, school, or at the park back in the States.  Here it seems there is a lazy approach in fostering these all too important positive social skills for many.  So as a result, teachers don’t have the tools in facilitating this type of behavior because namely, tarbiya starts at home..or at least it should! It is very common to see boys memorizing so much Quran, mashaAllah, but then you see them throw their empty bag of chips on the ground.  Or cute little girls wearing hijab but are gossiping.  No social responsibility or a severe lack thereof.  Sorry for the negativity, but all of us in our Ummah need to wake up and not undermine the importance of our kids behaviors.  It actually disrespecting towards our children if we are not willing to take the few minutes to get them thinking of the rudeness Shaitan ar-Rajeem is laughing at. 

To each his own in the US when it comes to personal beliefs and decisions made so long as it doesn’t affect the neighbors. Suzy Q might be an idol worshipper or atheist but her mask is loving, content and pleasant with all she meets.  When Joe Shmoe is seen at a traffic light throwing out an empty cup of Dunkin Donut’s out the window he is rejected by society!  There are also fines, regulations and consequences enforced from childhood through adulthood back in the US that promote social welfare.  Here to each his own about social responsibility, but you better talk the talk of Islam and look like a Muslim or you’ll have people playing the dawah card on you.  All with good intentions of supporting their brothers and sisters in striving for the sake of Allah ofcourse.  (Somehow this reminds me last Eid when a Saudi woman was cussing out the US and telling me its better that I left blah blah blah..and I have never felt like I had to be defensive of my upbringing home before-but for her to be so critical really irritated me because there is good I see over there too-not on an equal level,  but still there are positive things that these Saudis can learn from to better themselves as Muslims!)

You’d think that societal norms here of displaying good manners would be the case by default because it should be all about Islam here.  But people take this holy, sacred land for granted and it is indeed sad when social responsibility is not maintained for the sake of God, not even for the sake of the law.  What law though? Clearly, if there are such laws, regulations then there is no enforcement or public awareness of them.  This is why when you see a good deed being done here, chances are its because of the decency of that person, child and their love for Allah. But when you see a good deed being done there in the US its probably due to a positive cultural norm and not due to the fear of God. 

In all the stories of the Prophets, manners and good dealings with people were in the forefront with their teachings.  The Anbiya’ of Allah all were defensive of Tawheed and did their utmost without fearing the people to prove the Kalima of La’illaha il’Allah.  Their acts in this donia was all about worship.  Their dealings with the people were completed with  wisdom, fair preachings, kind & gentle interactions.  Their cleverness was intact with each of the groups they had to face.  But there was one man who most scholars say was not a prophet at all, yet there is a surah in the Quran named after him due to the wisdom Allah bestowed upon him.  Luqman, alayhee salat’ wasalaam (am I supposed to even use that phrase after him if he is not a Prophet- I will for now just in case!).  Allah describes for us the intimate sincere advise he gave his dear son, a prescription for a successful life. 

Allah the Almighty relates to us in al- Quran al Kareem (Luqman 13-19) the beautiful conversation below:

“And indeed We bestowed upon Luqman al-­Hikmah (wisdom and religious understanding, etc.) saying: ‘Give thanks to Allah,’ and whoever gives thanks, he gives thanks for (the good of) his ownself. And whoever is unthankful, then verily, Allah is All ­Rich (Free of all wants), Worthy of all praise.

And (remember) when Luqman said to his son when he was advising him:

‘Oh my son! Join not in worship others with Allah. Verily! Joining others in worship with Allah is a great Zulm (wrong) indeed.’

And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years give thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination.

But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do.

‘Oh my son! If it be (anything) equal to the weight of a grain of mustard seed, and though it be in a rock, or in the heavens or in the earth, Allah will bring it forth. Verily, Allah is Subtle (in bringing out that grain), Well ­Aware (of its place).

Oh my son! Aqim­-us­Salah (perform as­-Salah), enjoin (people) for Al-­Ma’ruf (Islamic Monotheism and all that is good), and forbid (people) from Al­Munkar (i.e. disbelief in the Oneness of Allah, polytheism of all kinds and all that is evil and bad), and bear with patience whatever befall you. Verily! These are some of the important commandments ordered by Allah with no exemption.And turn not your face away from men with pride, nor walk in insolence through the earth. Verily, Allah likes not each arrogant boaster.

And be moderate (or show no insolence) in your walking, and lower your voice. Verily, the harshest of all voices is the voice (braying) of a donkey.’ “

The first thing Luqman teaches his son is the importance of Tawheed and avoiding anything that even leads to shirk and warning him how evil this act is.  Soon after we learn that Luqman stresses the neccesity in maintaining good manners for the sake of Allah’s Pleasure.  Hello Ummah, we need to rectify our manners so keep reading..this isn’t about just a father to a son, this is about a blessed man’s advise to the world..

 A man came to Luqman, the Wise, and asked, ‘Are you Luqman? Are you the slave of so-and-so?’ He said, ‘Yes!’ The man said, ‘You are the black shephard?!’ Luqman said, ‘As for my black colour, it is obviously apparent, so why are you so surprised?’ The man said, ‘You became frequently visited by the people who pleasingly accept your judgements!’ Luqman said, ‘Oh cousin! If you do what I do, you will carry these characteristics.’ The man said, ‘What is it that you do?!’ Luqman said, ‘Lowering my gaze, watching my tongue, eating what is lawful, keeping my chastity, undertaking my promises, fulfilling my commitments, being hospitable to guests, respecting my neighbours, and discarding what does not concern me. All these made me the one you are looking at.’”

Also, one of the companions of Rasullilah, alayhee salat wa’salaam, spoke of Luqman and mentioned of how he was self-restrained, taciturn, deep thinking, and had such excellent manners.  No one ever saw him spit nor ever heard him clearing his throat. He never paid attention to trivial matters that had nothing to do with him, and never was he found foolishly laughing.  He was one of the most pious people who exerted himself in worship and who was blessed with wisdom. Due to his truthfulness, it is said that he may have even been a judge during the lifetime of Prophet Dawud `alayhee salaam.  Allah knows best.

All the Anbiya’ had the best manners, but the story of Luqman and his dealing with the people is told for us to witness as an example for us everyday normal people to follow. Why do we ignore these lessons ourselves, and then expect it of our children? Or why don’t we even reflect or relate these stories amongst ourselves or in open?  There is no question, many Muslims need mannerism training! Living in the center of Madinah Muslimhood� I see all sorts of behaviors that have nothing to do with proper Islamic etiquette which I will not get into because there are a whole heck of lot of great things I see Muslims doing too which hopefully outweigh those negative traits on the Day of Reckoning. (YA RABB!). 

Everyone has the potential to die as a mumin or a kaafir, no matter what family they were born into, what means they had to live with, whatever sins or good deeds they committed.   Prophet Muhammad, sal Allahu alayhee wa salaam, taught us its our hearts followed by deeds with the important ingredient of Allah’s Mercy that we need to make it to Jannah.  So this means that every human no matter what circumstances they face ultimately have a choice to earn that Rahmah for eternal bliss or negate it.  As Muslims we know that fitra is our innate desire to do what pleases Allah, but that the choices we make support or reject that pure natural disposition.  Researchers have said, and still say many mental disabilities are genetic.  I can agree that some are, but the DSM seems to always be growing with new environmentally based-choice based illnesses as well. I am not going to get into this debate here, but having worked with people who have faced chronic mental illnesses, having seen the affects of people who drink habitually, while knowing that ALLAH gives us a choice on how to live our lives makes me want to throw the ‘victim’ card out the window in many stories I have come across.  This is why I really love this part of Luqman’s story: The Tongue.

 ”Luqman, who was a wise man, served an officer when he was a young boy.

One day, his master said: “Slaughter one of the sheep and roast the best part of its meat for me.”

Luqman obeyed his order and roasted the tongue of the sheep for his master.

The next day, the master called Luqman and said: “Roast the worst part of a sheep today.”

Luqman again roasted the tongue of the sheep for his master.

When the officer sat down to eat, he was startled to see the roasted tongue again. He felt curious and wanted to know the reason.

Luqman said: “If a tongue is truthful and honest, then it is the best part of the body. but when a tongue tells lies and utters dishonest words, then it is the worst part of the body.”

Ahh imagine…imagine the day when people will not feel bitter, resentful, jealous, impatient with one another.  Imagine when manners will be in the forefront of action and speech.  Imagine no one will take advantage of the ‘make 70 excuses’ for your brother or sister rule. Imagine when people will at least smile when they stare :-).  Tiny deeds means alot people and we will be in for a rude awakening if we are thinking our prayers, fastings, trips to makkah for more worship and our statement of shahada is all whats going to cut us a ticket to Jannah without a dip in Jahannam first!! A’uthubillah!!

Let’s try harder not to cop out that attitude, let’s not ‘fight’ to get to the front of the line first, let’s ALWAYS put ourselves in other peoples shoes as they say in the West, and let’s not be hypocrites in teaching our children one thing while we do another. We as an Ummah have major rectifying to complete..so rather than pointing the finger at them, those over there..let’s point it first at our own hearts. Here in Saudi, there in the US or wherever us Muslims roam in and to..

Whether its bullying, pushing to get through, clearing one’s throat…or smoking!!!!! we all need to consider & apply Luqman’s, the Wise, and his teachings towards his son and others.

Now a simplified version of what I intended to get across of this post!!  I’m sure my daughter could have thought of a cooler poem, but hey..cut me some slack, I’m no poet!

Avoid the Dip

watch the lip

respect towards others

love your brothers

be sisters of eman

strive for ihsaan

reflect on Quran

and the

wisdom of Luqman

(alayhee salam?)

if any of you know what we should say after his name then please enlighten me, ok? JazakAllah Kheir.. :-)   

may Allah guide all of us on the Straight Path, and keep us sincere in our speech and actions. ameen.                                                                                 

                                                                                                                              …and Allah Knows Best.