Luminosity

My Reward of Dunya

Don’t Be Sad is a network of motivation towards bettering one’s self by tweaking into the generosity and kindness we all innately have within. Positivity, encouragement and realizing that we have the ability to direct ourselves towards good while encouraging good of others is what this site advocates for. Recently ‘Don’t Be Sad’ has been advocating its readers to post random acts of kindness. As a reward of dunya, the representatives of this blog has been giving out badges for those whose ideas are published on the network. Prophet Muhammad, peace & blessings of Allah be upon him, taught us never to belittle a good deed by undermining the size of it.  Little things are actually quite larger than we can imagine. Whether good or bad really beacause Allah tells us: “You thought it to be a light matter while it was most serious in the sight of Allah.” {Quran, 24:15}. May Allah reward them for promoting virtue and kindness, and may we seek the reward of which is better than that of this dunya, Jannah. Because Allah reminds us in the Quran:  

“So whoever hopes for the meeting with his Lord, let him work righteousness and associate none as a partner in the worship of his Lord.” {Quran, 18:110}

Sincerity is a criteria for a deed to be accepted. So to do a kind deed for the sake of showing off, for the sake of a reward (a badge) or for pleasing people in hopes they’ll give you a raise, a gift in return, or some sort of professional or social status then we totally forfeit any potential reward in Jannah. :-(  That’s why we need to remind ourselves to be grateful in being the opportunity to serve someone else, rather than being proud of some sort of help we offered.  We should be grateful of being Muslim that Allah has guided us, rather than be proud to be Muslims. Shaitan makes this ’Ikhlas’ thing real tough sometimes, but the feeling you get when you do a good deed for the sake of Allah is always rewarded by Him in your heart like an overwhelmning content sensation.  Well maybe not always, as even the Companions of the Prophet asked them how do they know if they fall into hypocricy or not? They were the best of Mumineen and yet they questioned themselves.  This is why Allah tells us that He knows us better than our ownselves. To maintain sincerity, is to be in constant check with our intentions.  And all of this talk is making me question the sincerity of my own words..! May Allah reward us in this donia, but moreso in the Hereafter and accept from us our good deeds, because without His acceptance these good deeds mean nothing.  

I can’t say it better than this, please read this…
Reward of Righteous Deeds in this Life & Hereafter

…and JazakAllah kheir to’ Don’t Be Sad’ (go get involved over there) in promoting what Allah loves, may Allah reward you in this donia, and much more in our permanent home..hopefully Jannah! ameen..

                                                                                                                            …Allah Knows Best.

Asalaam Alaikum wa’Rahmat Allah wa’Barakatu, wa’Salaam wa’salaat ala Rasullilah…. 

One of my favorite things to do here in Madinah is go to Jarir Bookstore. It’s in a tall and wide, mall like building to the side of Masjid Qiblatain, and there are about 17 of them throughout Saudi with other showrooms in Qatar, U.A.E, & Kuwait.  I am reminded by Barnes & Nobles and Borders Bookshops that are back in the States.  Although I don’t get to go too often, when I do I am grateful towards Allah for allowing me to leave Jarir with a few good books for myself and the kids.  There are various displays of topics on books and magazines from raising children to geography, to what my heart seems to be attracted towards the most, the  English Islamic Section.  If it were my way, I could easily spend a few hours there just browsing, but that is my mind…not my time with 4 children who believe its party time with all the “educational” toys around, and a husband who needs to leave quickly before the next Adhaan. Alhamdulilah. There are actually many bookstores here in Madinah, masha’Allah. People have told us that Jarir tends to be more pricey than others, so we still have to do some exploring insha’Allah.  The small bookshops right by the Haram can be more expensive too, though these excite me as well because I tend to see new books that I can indulge in with my children. 

Before we moved here almost exactly a year ago (don’t even ask me how that happened, subhan’Allah..I still feel so new here and time is certainly being swept under our feet), I would often order Islamic materials from Noorart, Astrolabe, and Islamic Bookstore because no where in Ma. that I knew of had a really good selection of Islamic books for adults and kids.  (actually, when I was back over the summer, I couldn’t resist and ordered a few books for the kids Islamic curriculum I’m working on with them here as a necessary supplement to what they get at the private arabic school here in Madinah.) The rare bookfairs at my daughter’s Islamic school when she was younger, and at the Islamic Center in Boston would catch my attention, and if one seemed even remotely interested I’d buy it in hopes that I would learn a thing or two and pass the knowledge along to my kids.  Lately, I’ve been looking at our humble library here in our homeschool room and thinking I real need to kick up the gears and get more structured about relating all these beautiful stories to my kids from the Quran & Sunnah, or I’ll be held responsible, big-time, by our Creator. May Allah forbid that.

 Anyways, the other day at Jarir I bought a book called Women Around the Messenger by Muhammad ‘Ali Qutb & published by International Islamic Publishing House. Click on this easy read, because I encourage any Muslimah or brother to get a copy and get educated or at least inspired insha’Allah. This seems to be the best book I’ve ever had my hands on describing the earliest female believers dispelling misconceptions of the so-called ‘weaker gender’ and true as it claims, focusses on bringing vivid biographies of the first generation of Muslim women showing how their participation was vital for the development of their society and Muslim Ummah right from the start.

While I’m on break, meaning when the kids are all down to sleep, I love to have Huda on. English speaking Muslims are the target audience and many sisters & brothers from countries like Canada, Nigeria, Sudan, Cyprus call in to ask questions live amongst other ‘Islamic’ (italicized for a reason!) countries, although Although may be seen in the US, its definantly not well-known and I never had this advantage of turning on the tv casually to learn about Allah’s prescribed way of life, this itself is a way for me to reflect and really think and at times ‘Huda’ is over to babysit the kids while I get a shower. Saudi is the fiancer of it, even though it is broadcasted primarily from Egypt. With Huda, I know that tv is always safe for the kids.  But soon after my self care is over, my oldest, ‘Sign’ will come report what she’s learned or ask what a sheikh said to a caller inquring about whatever. It’s the one channel I honestly never question in terms of its presentation of material. The commercials are geared at relating hadith, or teaching correct pronuciation of arabic letters. When my kids see children from the West or anywhere really, reciting Quran, they are motivated to do better with their Quran tutor. When cartoons are on they are always beneficial as they display the stories from the Quran & Sunnah, or manners of children as they should be in a fun way that attracts their attention, there is a cute song of the Islamic months that the kids are picking up from Huda too. Unlike me, who recently learned the order of months on the Islamic calanadar. This is a simple proof of how weak in knowledge I am and how I pray that my children will over-exceed me in deeds & knowledge (Ameen).  May Allah help  Huda TV continue with their success, and enlighten our hearts with education that benefits our iman. OH, you can watch it live on their website too so click above and make it a source of light in your home.

Having said all that, as I was growing up, reading was not my thing. I liked to skim through magazines, and I was very visual in that if a book didn’t have pictures, I would reluctantly pick it up due to a book report being due or something to that affect.  I  think perhaps it was a combination of factors that led to this decreased interest.   I always struggled a bit more in school than most other kids, I understood the material slower than them and I was always of the last students to finish a test.  I had to work harder to get the grades while others didn’t seem to put half as much effort.  My parents always told me that nothing was more important than a good education.  When my dad sat with me to review kinetic vs. potential energy..well, mashaAllah he made me run up and down the hill of our front yard to show it to me..no sitting was involved!  When it came to memorize the multiplication table, both my mom would hear no excuse that it was “too much”.  As I got older, graduated from high school and went off to college I began studying what I wanted too, and reading became less of a nuissance, so much so that I fell in love with it. I could choose what to read and reflect.  My personal library of Islam and Occupational Therapy grew and grew (and are still growing, more than a decade later alhamdulilah). So here I am with all these books, and I am hoping that my children will grow loving to read more than I did.  Daily, if they get there arabic homework and Quran done, do some homeschooling, then they get to listen to a story from the Quran. we are working on Seerah of our Anbiyaa and just finished the stories of Yaqub & Yusuf alayhee salaam.  They really wanted to get into the story of Musa alahee salaam which we just finished a few nights ago alhamdulilah.  I wanted to backtrack and start from Adam alayhee salaam next.  But every time we hit the road and drive by Jabal Uhud, gravesite of Shuhada Uhud, or even recently when we drove through Badr, my husband reminds me to shed light on our children with these stories.  So last night I after asking the kids, they unanimously voted on learning the seerah of our beloved Prophet Muhammad, sal Allahu alayhee wa’salaam.  My idea of starting from the beginning of humanity got tossed out the window. :-) We have spent much time on just the 3 prophets I mentioned above, so I imagine the explaining the life of Rasullilah (alayhee salaat wasalaam) is going to take probably close to a month inshaAllah. I usually sit with them for about 30 minutes, sometimes less. I’m also using from various books I have of which some are age appropriate and some are more at adult reading level.  But because my kids range from 2-8 I try my best to make an outline of points before beginning to make sure I am able to help facilitate there imagination without losing them.  But even with that, it is still not always easy to get the story across, but so far alhamdulilah Allah has indeed facilitated ease.  Subhan’Allah, funny, because I overheard my 4 year old son ‘Believer’ telling his little sister the story of Musa, alayhee aslaam and how he had a brother just like she has a brother! Ofcourse, no khutbah of his would really work without his older sisters microphone whic is cooler than his Masha’Allah taBarak’Allah.  May Allah preserve my children’s fitrah and the fitrah of Muslim children everywhere.  We certainly need a generation of leaders who fear no one but Allah, and live there lives to please Him. May Allah help us parents encourage the best in our kids. AMEEN. Certainly these words are towards myself (hmm, speaking of which, a duaa request for patience is also needed!) Since, then we’ve started on a good start I feel like I need to explain the Hereafter to them more too. So much stuff to know that I would like them to soak in thoughts about before they become teenagers inshaAllah and so tonight I began teaching them about our second life.  The much juice to the words I can find that are authentically reported in ahadeeth and Quran, I use.  Some may think I’m crazy teaching my 4 year old about death, about the details of the grave, and of the blazing Jahannam.  But there has to be balance, and so the beauty of Jannah is something I want them to crave even at this young age too.  If they are exposed to what Salasabeel might be, or thoughts of eating the sweetest of sweets whenever they please as they have rivers of milk and honey in their own yards that contains endless rainbows as their slides then perhaps they will taste the sweetness of faith itself and reflect on these images in their minds before they make a decision that may determine their fate in our permanent home, al-Akhira.  Ya Allah, ar-Rahman, You are the Witness to what I say, please give us Jannah and overlook our faults.  We are in need of that. Which reminds me, All praises belong to ALLAH for the release of Imam Anwar Al-Awlaki.

You know though, there is an ironic feeling within me. Because the more I teach them, the more I feel like I am not teaching them enough.  Time, effort, and the over abundance of knowledge that I want them to attain overwhelms me sometimes, actually most of the time.  When I see kids having had the whole Quran memorized at a young age, or when I read about kids just like them who have grown up into scholars filled with wisdom along with love for Allah, I have to step back and think of all the time I let them waste and negative influences I allow them to have, and unfortunatley I can be one of them.  May Allah forgive me.  I don’t push myself in doing more for these kids as they deserve, and at the same time I have high expectations for them.  This is why my duaa to Allah is that I don’t mess them up any way by spoling their fitrah with donia that leaves us fruitless in the akhira.  As a mom this is probably my biggest jihad, no..actually it definantly is. 

Fortunately though, the barakah of living here in Madinah does not let me forget the proper upbringing of kids and having been here for a year minus a few days has given me space to reprioritize my roles and responsibilities towards my children.  There are many things I miss from back in the US, like driving to McDonalds for the kids to play in the playcenter; or going to OldNavy to just browse when the kids are busy with their grandparents; and even going for a walk outside with evergreens everywhere and dragonflies buzzing as the kids chase them.  I also miss on a personal and professional level working in nursing homes, hospitals and schools every now and then and meeting the diversity of people of whom I thought that maybe they would look at Islam a little differently after having met me. I can hope, and I did. 

But actually,  here in Madinah things are different but the same.  The kids still play, I still shop, and we still walk, my love for diverse people is consistent and ..but the flavor of these things are different.  That flavor is where the barakah awaits I think.  Because when grass is walked upon here, we appreciate that, and when we shop we don’t waste time (not as much anyway-even though i didnt always have the luxury of time there either) probably because to stroll in malls or parks will only happen with my husband with us too.  I, unlike many women living here in Saudi, don’t have a driver, and this is looked at as sort of weird…as something foreign.  To jump into a taxi isn’t easy with 4 children and neither I nor my husband would like that anyway because of safety. (Yes Madinah its the most magnificient place of peace, but its still not Jannah).  Adhan is heard, everyone is dressed within the code, Allah’s code, and there is the most suitable place when we all need a break from the daily grind, even the kids, the Haram.  At Masjid an-Nabawi, all the things I miss from back in the US are actually right there.  Diversity of Muslim flavor is there, the courtyard for the kid to be kids is there, elderly women are there for me to help get ZamZam, and the generosity of the people is pretty cool, masha’Allah..the mall and shops are all around.  Can’t have everything though, so no site of grass around that’s ok though, i’ll deal alhamdulilah. 

So although sacrifices were made and we left many beautiful things to the eye in the US, here in Madinah we gained many beautiful things for the soul. I am not trying to undermine the challenge of making hijrah here, but I must be fair that through the difficulty the greatest was not giving up my right to drive, but giving up the chance to visit with my parents, family whenever I felt like it.  All in all though, Allah has also delivered ease. Alhamdulilah. Alhamdulilah for Vonage too!

Another of the blessings, is knowledge…the pursuit of it here is just more focussed for me (although increased focus is an ongoing objective of mine) and with increased knowledge comes increased reflection on Allah’s Signs…whichever topic I study or whichever subject the kids are working on, and whichever book I pick up next inshaAllah.  Living 5 minutes from Masjid Quba where oned can perform deeds equivalent to an Umrah and follow the Sunnah of attending on Saturdays, never could hurt a Muslim either. may Allah just accept it, because without His rewards these deeds could be held against us instead of for us. May Allah forbid that from happening.  I read somewhere that the Companions would worry if they would be considered hypocrites in certain situations because they acknowledged that Allah knows their hearts more than they knew themselves.  I am no companion! But I understand that point and am reminded, perhaps by the appointed angel that is near me, that in Allah we have to aim for a balance of hope and fear in Him, you know…Taqwa. 

Let me clarify a misconception of knowledge and education here even in Madinah Munawarra.  Wherever people are there is exposure to education, whether through books, experiencing the culture, rejecting or adapting social standards.  The schools here in Madinah, and I speak of the elementary level schools are good, but not balanced.  I have only seen a number of them when we thought putting our girls in one might be a good idea. Because of the extreme modesty factor here, my husband was unable to enter any of them with me to check them out.  Schools I saw fell into 2 categories: Saudi Private, and international.  They were either teaching excessive things that I wished not for my kids like the Indian International school has Urdu as mandatory subject, and the other which seems pretty much Egyptian run has French on the curriculum as a daily subject yet religion was only twice a week.  Then there were the Saudi private schools who follow the National Curriculum here but each has its own style.  One seemed to have teachers who didn’t seem interested in the kids, while another seemed more caring but lacked other subjects I feel are important like gym class and arts.  Then we came across one that my children are in now.  It offers all the courses I would like them to take,  they have computer, gym, and art plus they have Quran 7x/s week while the teachers seem to highly qualified and are receptive to overstrung parents who like to call and meet up every so often *ahem, me .

There have been problems, and still are with the kids adjusting to this environment.  Because everything is in Arabic with the obvious exception of English class (taught as a 2nd language) the other Saudi girls get a kick out of this and have seen my girls as easy targets to pick on.  Before I came here a year ago, I had this idea that kids here were more disciplined than children in the US.  Umm, WRONG!  You would think so because in Islam we are taught beahaviors and coping skills in situations. Unfortunately, the kids here tend to lack the social skills needed for good communication and positive friendships.  Anyways, so I am teaching my children to be grateful in being different.  I guess as I would if we were still in the US..but on a slightly adapted take. So although our goal, mine and their father, in sending them rather than just homeschooling was so they would acheive Arabic and Quran (because we knew the other subjects are lacking in subtance and are frankly just below their educational level), they are learning how to deal with bullies, others who lie and coming across situations that they have to deal without me around.  They get back and I get all the gossip..which I am pointing out to them too what is gossip and what is not, and I try to listen to them so that I can guide them in fostering that beautiful difference between them and their peers, what is ok by Allah and what just isn’t cool even if everyone else says it is.   My daughter who wears a Cochlear Implant is indeed an anomaly alhamdulilah and she faces challenges of mainstreaming in a culture and in a school that thinks those things on her ears are a type of radio or jewelry.  While my other reserved daughter is learning how to stand up for herself with confidence and courage.  They are both overcoming their specifically designed challenges with the strength of Allah as their Best Friend, and by the assistance and Mercy of their Creator.  Trials filled with blessings alhamdulilah.  Ahh, peer pressure..some of the stepping stones that every child and even adult faces.

 As far as how Islam is taught, well ofcourse its taught.  Duaa is made, expressions for the love of Allah and Rasullilah alayhee salaam are there, methods in learning proper wudu and facts about Ramadan and Hajj were given.  But our humble homeschooling efforts has to go on in Islam as well. You know when things are done by default, it gets sort of boring if there is no effort.  I feel like the school teaches them Islam but doesn’t get them really excited about it.  Plus there is so much other information that they can learn i think that is not in the Saudi curriculum.  So I homeschool Math, English Reading & Writing, Science, and Islam.  Alhamdulilah they have a Quran/Arabic tutor (also mine) who also helps out with the Arabic, and their father overseas my older daughter’s homework.  We are also using of Calvert, which I always try to highlight things in an Islamic point of view and negate which does not benefit.  In Science, ayat are brought to scene, and adding Islamic chapter books that are age appropriate I think creates a good balance of stories in their minds of those who are Muslim and those who are not.  Hoping this will cause them to see a commonality of humanity in general.  As far as what does not benefit for example, my 3rd grader has a subject on Greek Mythology that came with her curriculum.  Are you kidding me?! I am not going to stress the details of all their idols and practices to her when I have sooooo much else to address with her in light of the Quran and Sunnah.  Between teaching Asma Husna, Tafsir, Depicting the details of Jannah & Jahannam, explaining world history from the beginning of time and even the geography and sciences that Allah has defined and ofcourse Seerah.  Through just these Islamic topics she is exposed to the ways of the Mushriqeen, Munafiqeen, the Kuffar and their ways of disobeying Allah and relationship with the Mumineen, Mutaqeen, al-Muslimeen.  If they can understand that only Deen al-Haqq, Islam, had been introduced by all the Rusul and Anbiyaa of Allah, then they will be able to know insha’Allah what is the truth and distinguish what is false.  If the details of an idol, or the details of how they were worshipped is necessary to comprehend an issue with a Prophet or a situation mentioned in Quran then there is a valid need to know these points.  They have been taught about the Egyptians ways in accordance to the beautiful stories of the Quran as well as the People of Thamud & even the controversial issues of Prophet Lut alayhee salaam.  Even current issues of Buddhism and the life of the Hindus has been brushed on because of their interaction with those people back in the States. 

More than that we also use Ad-Duha, an English Islamic curriculum you can order (also Arabic as a second language curriculum), and wonderful resources sold there along with a bunch of other little things here and there.  There are hifz schools everywhere here in Madinah for women and children but our tutor suffices us for now alhamdulilah. Although I was hoping to have been done with at least of what I had planned for the academic year by now, I still have a ways to go inshaAllah before I hit the 1/2 way mark. I don’t have the luxury of time to head off to the several halaqahs made for women at the Haram and plenty in every neighborhood really.  Sisters from various countries, including Saudi have often called me to get together for this or for that, and have implied they’d like to come and visit.  There are numerous opportunities to learn here, masha’Allah.  But finding them isn’t always the easiest.  It’s not like you can log on and find the nearest Hifz school, or the exact time of the Halaqas at the even the Haram by picking up the phone.  Things don’t work like that here.  Information of the beautiful sources are attained by self-discovery and word of mouth really.   My guess is that 5 years from now, and Allah Knows Best that Madinah insha’Allah may be more advanced in its services with more libraries, better schools, and more qualified personnel at institutions like hospitals, and more day-care centers (only 1 or 2 now I think) and alhamdulilah slowly but surely it seems to be happening now.   Insha’Allah, that is what I make duaa for anyway.   

I’ve read there is a library here with hours for women and kids too that I’d eventually like to check out, and I know there are many online courses one can take.  But the truth is, I do self-learning through books, which I know is not even enough.  My life really just revolves around a few activities that eats at my time, but reading something here and there gives me a sense of balance especially when I feel like I need to get my mind off the daily grind, which is quite often! In between teaching lessons, potty training, clearning the sink and getting breakfast on the table at fajr every morning, a few words tend to motivate me to serve Allah much more than I do, and reminds me to focus on intention rather than just another pain ‘in the you know what’ , kind of job!  The skills I learned in Occupational Therapy and my services towards the disabled, impaired, and handicapped have been appointed by Allah to condition my heart in helping others..so that I can indeed help my family and myself.  Don’t we all need help?!

May Allah increase us all in knowledge with pure intentions to seek His Pleasure and hope that He will soften our hearts as a result and send us all to Jannah, Firdous prefably !! :-) Ameen.

….and Allah Knows best.

Almost 3 months and counting since we’ve moved here to Madinah Munawarra and our container of household goods and some furniture just got here 2 days ago alhamdulilah (finally!) from the northeast of the US. Anyone planning on moving overseas from over there? Particularly to a predominant Muslim country, what about Saudi especially? I ask because customs will tear all those duct tape boxes apart and make sure every little iddy biddy thing has been examined! We are not sure if it was the US customs or Saudi customs that did this..probably both.  But anyways we have boxes everywhere now hanging out in every room waiting to be unpacked. 

Allah, Al-Rahman, Al-Raheem, Al-Malik, Al-Quddus, Al-Salaam, AL-Mumin, Al-Muhaymin, Al-Aziz, Al-Jabbar.. No one and nothing has the right to be worshipped but Him Alone.  He listens to every single duaa, and witnesses every tear rolling down one’s face, understanding the condition of our hearts ache when no one seems to be able to quite get it.  Then when the sufferer surrenders, the duaa is answered.  I met a woman who made duaa for 10 years to have a child and then Allah bestowed on her a beautiful daughter. So I had to stop and reflect on that for a moment.  I had heard of similar stories before, but it wasn’t the story that grasped my attention, but it was the fact that she made duaa without giving up hope for ten years. Allah heard her the 1^st time she made the supplication but Allah loves to hear us ask Him when we are in need, which is actually all the time. I went home from Masjid An-Nabawi thinking about how duaa is vital for being a Muslim. No way should anyone feel sufficient in accomplishing anything without Allah’s help or guidance. It doesn’t work that way if one has eman.  Even the tiny chores we require dependence on Him. The more taqwa we have the more we realize this I think. So then I started to backtrack when my mom flew into visit a few weeks ago, and perhaps it was because of all the duaa I made that my parents would be reunited with us here in Madinah Munawarra. Allah facilitated her to come and so the past couple of weeks have been duaa answered, Alhamdulilah.  But the embassy didn’t grant my father the family visit visa and due to his scheduling of work and other things he is unable to make it now.  This saddened me, but then I thought perhaps its Allah’s way in encouraging me to put my reliance on Him more and making more duaa to facilitate all of us being together right in-front of the Kaaba, as I was beside the woman who bore me, making sajda. No doubt, this goes for the rest of my small immediate family too.  May Allah make it a reality insha’Allah, in the way that pleases Him the most.  

In my last post I mentioned Madinah being a coconut, well the best way I can explain Makkah is to think of a magnet with the strongest part of attraction at Hajar Al-Aswad.  Last month when my husband, kids & I did Umrah it was pretty amazing. Alhamdulilah. Saudi hadn’t started issuing Umrah Visa’s, so you can imagine how light the crowds were.  People on business visa’s, residents of Saudi, and just not that many people mesmerizing at the center of earth pouring forth their souls to lay upon their Creator. We went for the weekend but stayed until Saturday afternoon.  Saturday was phenomenal, Masjid-Al Haram was practically “empty” it seemed. People who had come for the weekend had left and so I had no difficulty sitting on the steps infront of the Kaaba with my four small children in awe with peaceful serenity the atmosphere was encompassed with. 24/7 there are people at the Kaaba, in the Masjid doing all sorts of worship: praying, making thikr, duaa, even sleeping there in hopes to get rewards of being in this sanctity, but that day was unique in that the 2 other times I had been to Makkah I had never experienced that calm there.

Comparing that Umrah in February to this month’s Umrah in March was like night and day!  It was wonderful and all, but you see, masha’Allah, so many more people from all over the world were along with us.  India, South Africa, Malaysia, Indonesia were where some of the sisters I met were from, along with many from the Middle East. But it’s funny, because according to the Saudi Embassy website, Umrah Visa’s begin being issued from the beginning of Safar and yet, my father was told by the travel agency back in the US that Americans will not be granted the Umrah Visa’s until the end of Safar. So I’m not really sure. Anyways, because it was always so busy at Makkah Mukarrama it became more stressful on me in terms of keeping an eye on the kids and such, but they were good for the most part.  During Safar and Marwa we just threw the kids in wheelchairs we rented., 2 in each (Strollers need to be kept outside) The walk just to get to the Masjid was long enough for for them. We stayed in the Sheraton this time and because of the heat, the kids, the hills and the renovations being done at the Haram I wouldn’t rec’d this hotel for a stay, was difficult to hear the Adhan from too due to the distance.  Sheraton Makkah is nice, don’t get me wrong, and it’s a couple hundred less than getting into the Makkah Continental, but so far from what I’ve witnessed you sort of get what you pay for.  What’s important thought is to just remind ourselves that whatever energy, money, time and worship done is done for the right reasons of pleasing ALLAH the most. That every blessing is also, and even more of a test.  I actually missed out on two prayers so the kids could catch up on some sleep.   Allah has placed much mercy on women in not making it fard for us to pray at the masajid, because if I had to leave my home 5 x/s a day with the kids for 20 minutes at a time to pray it would be nearly impossible.  This Umrah we had to come back home to Madinah Friday night instead of Saturday. Considering how jammed it was, Allah made it quite easy on all of us Alhamdulilah. 

On the ride home it was nice to see those signs on the highway again with remembrance of Allah rather than billboards of immorality and ads of alcohol.  A downfall of the highways here (aside from the fact that driving is sheer craziness) are the rest areas.  They are pretty gross.  I can’t understand why Saudi neglects these areas! Cleanliness is an integral ingredient to an Islamic site, and if Saudi is run by Sharia Law then you would think that these bathrooms would be kempt and taken care of. Unfortunately this is far from the case.  The masajid here are always clean.  The mops at Masjid al-Haram were always white! Subhan’Allah, but the rest areas from Makkah to Madinah could easily leave a bad impression on the hearts of many who don’t know what Islam is. Just another example of how Islam is perfect and many Muslims are far from it.  But to be fair, I know the Kingdom is planning on getting a railway set-up (which would be like 2 hours rather than amost 6 from Madinah to Makkah) and done along with other projects to facilitate ease for the Muslims here in Saudi and obviously for those who come here once in a lifetime insha’Allah. So there is hope for improvement insha’Allah.  But who am I to complain, I am no one! My mom has been with us for almost a month and insha’Allah she flies back to my dad in the US tomorrow. May Allah grant her a safe trip and accept all her deeds. Not only have I enjoyed her around, but she has helped me so much gain confidence in talking to the people over here. I do speak Arabic Alhamdulilah, but when I first got here I didn’t know what was appropriate for women in the markets and what was not. I didn’t want to offend anyone you know. But it turns out just being myself is what works best! Back in the US if I walked into the halal meat market by myself I would have no problem-offering salaam first. But here I noticed women don’t always do that so I was unsure (men don’t always offer it either). But in Islam you get reward for doing so and it’s not like I am flirting or anything in my black niqab and gear on anyway! Subhan’Allah!! I don’t know really why it was a big deal..maybe its because I thought people in stores would always return a greeting and didn’t? Or maybe it was just because I wasn’t loud enough?

Speaking of saying “salaam” people totally take it for granted here that everyone is Muslim and forget about the story of Abu Bakr (ra) who went outside walking just to “Asalaam Alaikum” to people for the sake of pleasing Allah. Speaking of stores…women don’t work there! You find them working in schools, selling things on the corners like socks, cookies..you name it, some work as maids, and other’s as doctors.  But I asked a clerk at a jilbaab store near Masjid ar-Rasool and he told me it’s against the law here in Madinah for them to work in stores..hmm, not sure why and kind don’t want to know either. But all I could think was doesn’t this fall in the lines of why people think of Saudi women being oppressed? If I didn’t have an understanding of the culture and ways here, and if I didn’t get a chance to meet any of the local women here too, I might think that as well. Subhan’Allah, Khadijah (ra) the first Muslim woman ran her own business!! Hello people?! This is probably why there are more poor women asking for money than men around here. Subhan’Allah Wa’bihamdi Islam isn’t about hiding women and no honest man who has a clue about Islam can say that.  

Another thing I’ll mention in this post is about the schools here. Since even before we moved here I’ve been trying to tackle this in understanding how it all works here. Allah willed for my older girls to be enrolled in an English school here. It’s only on the weekends from 8-12 on Thursdays and until 11 on Fridays.  They get Math, Reading, and Science and it’s being taught by a certified teacher from the UK, masha’Allah who is wonderful.  This is a another great baraka from Allah because the classroom sizes are small, great acoustics (important for my daughter who is deaf without the technology Allah has granted her with), and a really good way for English exposure aside from what they get from us at home. The other girls there are really well-mannered and today will be their 2^nd day of school insha’Allah. I was really happy that they loved it yesterday Alhamdulilah. Another school they have been attending for 2 weeks now is a Tajweed school which teaches them Quran and Arabic 5xs/week from Asr-Maghrib. It’s walking distance which is great so I don’t have to wait for my husband to bring us, and there’s even a class for my son who’s almost 4 insha’Allah and one for me too! Alhamdulilah..it’s a good start for now, I don’t know if we’ll continue with it for a long time though. The kids their lack manners, and once I begin taking my youngest with us, it might be difficult. She has been resting with my mom these few weeks, so I will have to try to get her to rest earlier before we head off insha’Allah (this coming week).  

Back about Madinah Munawarra, my nafs has been struggling with an issue lately.  Right when we came here we said how we’d go to Masji an-Nabawi at least once a day insha’Allah for one truly finds contentment.  I would get upset when our “new car” needed repair or for whatever reason we were unable to go. Well Alhamdulilah we’ve been there practically everyday with my husband the past month or so..even the days that I can’t pray I wait outside just listening to the Quran and enjoying the air of the City of the Prophet (as).  But with our home- schooling schedule about to go in full effect next week insha’Allah, balancing out all the responsibilities and such it will be a hardship on me and the kids. I didn’t want to admit this, but at the same time I think it will be good not to go. Because I hope it will teach the kids to appreciate the sanctity of it rather than it just being any other masjid or any other place. So insha’Allah we will have limited time there but I pray that for our hearts it the quality of our duaa and sincerity for Allah will be purified even further. Just like that saying goes “distance makes the heart grow fonder”..that’s what I am hoping for insha’Allah. Plus, it’s nice to be reminded that more reward is granted when fard is accomplished over sunnah. So now after almost 3 months, it’s the priority is to regain structure, balance, and steadiness insha’Allah with everything… I feel like the initial stage of our settling is almost coming to an end insha’Allah. 

There is so much more I can say here, but I fear ALLAH that I would brag in revealing where I’ve prayed or the in revealing some of the corruption I witness.  Surely no one has nothing, everyone has something. We all struggle together in different ways but what is central and most important is what is in the heart, the sincerity judged by Him. So let’s all make duaa that for every diaper we change, for every hijrah we make, for every nap we take and certainly for ever ache this donia imprints on our hearts…that it is all for the worship of Allah and not a single person, not a single situation else. May Allah accept all your deeds and purify us all. Ameen.

and Allah Knows Best..

I couldn’t help it. The one thing I knew I needed was a spiritual awakening to remind me, and support my heart in appreciating that I am now living in Madinah Munawarra. A hijrah to Madinah has been sort of like taking care of a newborn. I mean, a mother loves her newborn more than words can express and would never consider doing anything to jeopardize the safety of this new living human. Yet she struggles in her surroundings, in herself, and sacrifices her particular ways of breathing in order to nourish, protect, and even honor this gift of life.  Living here is sort of like that. I mean, it feels surreal that I’m heading off to my home less than 2 miles away from Masjid an-Nabawi and at the same time there are situations and experiences I’m not quite sure how to deal with and that scares me…but I want to deal with it..and I try to rejuvenate my eman with duaa that Allah will help me overcome these obstacles.  Afterall, I never gave up any of my babies when they’d cry at night, nor have I ever desired to leave them. Sort of like a bittersweet happening that I guess is like a hardship, but can also be looked at as contentment in simplicity.  So yeah, I’m loving Madinah and loving living here but every now and then I need to remind myself of its virtues.

Subhan’Allah, speaking of which, another sister I met who came here 3 days before me gave me a set of Imam Anwar Al-Awlaki’s Life of Prophet Muhammad, sal Allahu alayhee wa‘salam, and I know that Allah planned this one for me to listen to because it is exactly what I need to educate myself and be aware of the virtues of this place in quite a motivating way. Reminders from another sister who has been here for 11 years and came here soon after her and her husband accepted Islam said it like this: “For every fitnah (trial or hardship) you see here in Madinah, there is at least 20 in the states if one’s goal is to preserve Islam in your heart.” While another one I randomly met (nothing is random, everything is planned) told me it could be that Allah chooses people to come here who need an increase in patience. Allah knows I need it at times..and many times! It kind of reminded me of what Um’Ibrahim over at http://theimamsdaughter.myminaret.com  once told me too.. that when we ask Allah for an increase in patience, we are really asking Him to test us more in ways to solidify that sabr within us. And while trying to seek knowledge of the muhajjireen from Makkah to Madinah, it kind of makes me feel silly that I am even feeling this way at all. Because Allah has been and is being so Generous with us over here, so it sort of humbles me too and kicks some sense to me. This is nothing compared to what they went through.

Anyways…my husband put it this way, he said the US is picture perfect with all its resources, abundance in everything, but somewhere in the center there is sort of like a poison that needs to be constantly tackled so not to bring one’s deen down.  Here in Madinah the ironicy is that the sweetness of honey is in the center with hardships surrounding it.  I thought of a coconut! Because you look at a coconut and it has a harsh brown shell yet when you crack it open you see purity of beautiful white substance.  It’s that white substance I want more.

Having said all that, I must say that part of what keeps me motivated are those random acts of kindness and gentleness that pours out from the face of Mumineen here. A couple of weeks ago at Masjid Qubaa, a woman came and sat beside me, when she revealed her face it became obvious how young she was.  She told me she was 14 and that her parents are from Afghanistan who performed hijrah here right before she was born. Masha’Allah, she was not only beautiful but she had a special glow to her that seems to have been coming out of her heart through her eyes and smile. May Allah protect her. She memorized Quran by age 6..yes, in its entirety, but now could only remember about 10 Juz! “Only”?! I thought.  Allahu Akbar. She got up grabbed a Quran and began to recite, and I couldn’t help but hope that my girls will do so as eloquently as her.  Tears filled my eyes and all I could do at that point was be grateful for being in such as place of Madinah Munawarra.

On my left there was another young sister..I didn’t get the age this time but she was so motivating too. I told her our story of how we just moved here from the States, her name was Taibah (goodness, and another name of Madinah) that her and her family have always been here. I told her that I’m looking for a school for the girls to memorize Quran and get a grip on Arabic and one for my son too, so she made duaa for them and added that insha’Allah it should be a goal of mine to memorize the whole Quran. Right after salat al-Jummah was over we exchanged salaamat and I told her that it was a blessing that we met, in return, she replied “and insha’Allah may Allah unite us together in Jannah..” Amazing piety expelled  before my eyes, and surely this one of those ongoing boosts that I need to keep.  

Before I came here, I knew that there would be things that I’d be tested by, even here in Madinah. Because this is life, and no matter what faith one has or doesn’t have, there are these quizzes of donia that are specifically designed for every human with the results read as an open book in the akhira. But knowing something, and experiencing something are quite unique to one another. I’ve always heard of “Ahl al-Madinah” being of the most pious humble people with the most respect and highest social manners due to the nature of their eman.  Even history emphasizes this.  Rasullilah, (alayhee salat wasalam), was warmly welcomed into Madinah by the Ansar for a place to reside, grow, and establish the first recognized Islamic society anywhere in the world. They helped loved him and it was their culture of being hospitable people, the Ansar.  So for people to say that those here are of humility, righteousness and simplicity has some actual meaning. Perhaps the young women I met are few great examples of that.  But you know, back in the US, the people are characterized as cold and distant in New England and in the South they are typified as warm and kind. No doubt, there are exemptions to every rule, and even here in the City of the Mercy sent to teach humanity, Rasullilah (sal Allahu alayhee wa salam).  

Last night, and at random times, I am confused because I see all these Muslimeen and Muslimaat but I witness unislamic behavior is different ways. But these instances tend to be of people who have immigrated here or are here for a limted amount of time for a visit to Masjid an-Nabawi or in Saudi for Umrah only. There eagerness to get into the Haram, pray on Rawda, get their daughters in the Asr class, or even pray 2 rakat to follow the Sunnah of what to do entering the Masjid often gets in their way to have patience and they easily overlook the importance of the gentleness of our beloved Prophet Muhammad, alayhee salat-wa-salaam.  I have to say something here too, because I’ve shared notes with my husband, and it’s the emotional state of us women that encourages us to leave our manners out of the picture. Social etiquette amongst these people gets to me, because there is sometimes a severe lack thereof. So when Shaitan performs his wass-wassa and points these random totally inappropriate acts that are not of the Sunnah..and actually far from it, the Mala’ikkah near me remind me that Allah has willed these people to be here in Madinah Munawarra, and none of us would be here based solely on our good merit and deeds.  This is when, and Allah knows best, that I quickly ask Allah to forgive them in fear that if I don’t my heart will be hardened towards my own brothers and sisters of this Ummah, and even be judged as arrogant. May He prevent that from happening. May He grant us all hedaya..and especially sabr in our hearts. 

Added to the mix, there are many expats from very poor countries coming here trying hard to earn a riyal to send back home to their children. The US is a melting pot of all cultures world-wide with customs of every kind and probably dialects of every language.  People risk their upbringings, their ways of life, and any sort of comfort they own to be in USA with the anticipation that money will grow on trees as they say and hopes that they will lead a life of luxury…or come close to it.  They even believe that by living in the land of “freedom” they might be able to gain more control over their lives than they do in their own lands. Allah knows best.  But my point in all this is that in an ironic sort of way.  Madinah is like an Islamic melting pot. Although no diversity of religion exists here in Madinah, major variations in the levels of Islamic practice is actually quite obvious.  I guess it should be expected too, as Madinah Munawarra is a central for Muslims world-wide.  American , British, Chinese, Pakistani, Bangladeshi, Afghani, Bengali, Sudanese, Irish, Bosnian, South American, South African. Vision of people from all over the world migrating here to slave on the streets cleaning them in full gear and sweating bullets around the clock; or widows sitting at the masajid with babies on their laps hoping that Allah will send down His Rizq upon them by those attending salah; or witnessing girls of a tender age migrate to Madinah to work for the ability to feed their families back home (the ones I’ve met are from Ethiopia and China).  These scenarios are seen on a daily basis here, so when I begin to feel ungrateful, it has been easy to snap out of it, Alhamdulilah due to these live reminders in my face. Although, I fear that I am incapable of being as grateful for all of His Favors, I still hope for His Mercy. May Allah grant us all balanced TAQWA..a balance of fear and hope in Allah.  

Random acts of kindness especially to our kids has been non-stop..giving them  things like popcorn, dates, a riyal here, a ball and bracelet there! Especially when we first got here they got so many taps on the head, cheeks pinched so many times, kissed with hesitation endlessly it seemed from people literally from all over the world it seemed especially because there were still many hujjaj here.  So although Madinah is far off from the West in things with needed improvement, (like driving, postal service, and even return policies!) the hospitality towards the elderly, children, and women exceed the norms of the West.   

To have a deep love for Madinah is not to have a deep love for all the customs and cultures of the people who migrate here. There will be a rude awakening to think that people here are just as perfect as the place itself.  But the non-stop support for Islam you see here in Madinah is something that I never saw back in the US. Adhaan 5xs a day in an overlapping manner, modesty at every corner, greetings of salaam, Islam comes first here..regardless of whether certain people implement the Sunnah with sincerity or not. The religious opportunity here is remarkable. The Muslims who came to Madinah for hijrah at the time of Rasullilah (alayhee salat wa’salam) would not look back. They left absolutely everything to please Allah without doubt, without hesitation.  But they experienced difficulty..and this is why Prophet Muhammad (sal Allahu alayhee wa’salam) made duaa to Allah and said:  

“Oh Allah, Make Madinah as dear to us as Makkah was, or even more! Make its climate salurbrious, and bless its fruits and grains.” (Bukhari) 

There are many other ahadeeth on Madinah, but here I’d just like to highlight one thing, that it is known, written, and explained in regards to hijrah. Nothing good in life comes easy, we need to work at things to improve ourselves under the reliance of Allah. I hope that you all reading this, as well as myself will be reminded that the most difficult things in life are sometimes the best things for us..for our lives..and ultimately for our akhira. Also that Allah promises in regards to hijrah or in anything that with hardship comes ease. So with hijrah or anything that we do..if we accomplish things for seeking the pleasure of Allah then He will make it easy. I have no doubt about that..no matter how difficult it may seem.  

According to www.HilalPlaza.com dated 2/20/2007, approximately more than 100,000 Americans work in the Middle East and Islamic countries. Besides that, a very high percentage of these Americans are doctors, surgeons, engineering specialists, executives and hold other high profile professional positions. Along the same lines, more than 20 million non-US expatriate workers live and work in Middle Eastern countries as well.  The article went further to say that for many of these people they choose to go to the Middle East to enjoy a different culture and save money. Hmm, I would hope that most of the Muslims that do it are doing it for ALLAH in preserving Islam in their hearts and in the hearts of their families rather than just for the gain of the donia. As far as I am concerned, the US is easier to live in because it’s a comfort zone for me, and it has more beauties to this donia than here.  But Madinah is filled with luminous opportunities for my soul that I pray will be encompassed..and I am feeling the affect, alhamdulilah. 

I pray that we never take for granted the opportunites Allah gives us to become closer to Him and closer to Jannah.  He loves us and wants the best for us, He overlooks faults if sincerity is within us.  Let’s remember that we call Him by His names Ar-Rahman, Ar-Raheem at least 17 times a day during salah. So let’s outweigh our trust in Him more than anyone or anything else to guide us on the Straight Path.  The next time we have to make a choice, whether it’s as big as a hijrah or something as small or even as silly as turning off the lights in an unused room..lets ask ourselves, what is pleasing to Him? All affairs return to Him.

Just remember with difficulty comes ease insha’Allah…think about the coconut.

…and Allah knows best.

Well it’s been about 3 weeks now since we’ve arrived to our new hometown of Madinah Munawarra. Everything here is widely divergent than the country of my birth and upbringing, the US. Having been here 4.5 years ago for Umrah was an experience of a lifetime because it was then that I was able to experience feelings of contentment. Never did I think that I would live here. But Allah is Best of Planners, and with His Wisdom we are in the initial stages of settling in our new environment. Alhamduliah Allah has assigned us an apartment on the 3rd floor of a building that has a beautiful view of Jabal Uhud. Subhan’Allah, back in the US I would always refer to my mounds of everlasting laundry as “Jabal Uhud” to my family whenever it just got out of control! Alhamdulilah we also live a 5 minute drive away from the Haram. Yesterday we were driving around getting errands done and my kids asked if we could go pray there. I told them to make duaa and maybe they could. My husband has just begun driving here and it is not an easy thing! But Subhan’Allah, as we were looking for a particular shop for satellite stuff, we kept getting closer to the Haram and then we found ourselves going down into the tunnel towards underground parking for Masjid an-Nabawi. Alhamdulilah! But Subhan’Allah, because when we approached the top of the escalator onto the outdoors of the Masjid we were right by Qabr-ar-Rasool (alayhee salat wa’salaam).  Amazing. Because I could not enter the Prophet’s Mosque my husband took Sign, Mercy, and Believer with him while I stayed out with their baby sister. I sat out infront of the Haram in awe that I was among so many other Muslims across the world, and where spoken English was the minority! People from Bangladesh, Indonesia, Afghanistan, Malaysia, everywhere…all here sending salaam to Rasullilah (alayhee salat wa salaam), and desperate for rewards from our Creator. I knew most were those who have traveled from afar to perhaps complete their once in a lifetime hajj. In fact when it was time for the Adhaan I was asked to leave where I was sitting because directly in front of me was the men’s section. I then found myself next to a sister from Indonesia who said she’d be leaving in one more day. I made duaa that Allah would send her here again and she indicated that she doesn’t have money for it. But by the will of Allah anything is possible. Hajj season is almost over now, meaning that most pilgrims will be going back home within the next week or 2 at most insha’Allah because the embassy only allows up to 40 days for a Hajj visa. It seems that most back in the US who come for hajj don’t stay as long as many of these hujjaj do! Everything in the West is rush rush rush..and time is of vital importance. The few weeks here in Madinah have made me realize that the only thing people really rush for are Salah and driving! Subhan’Allah! So maybe that is true to some extent in the other non-western countries (at least the Salah part amongst Muslims).

Here in Madinah there is a certain flavor I’ve never experienced of extreme modesty, not a society of oppression. I think the West has got the two concepts confused. Aside from women not driving..women are visible accomplishing everything. Bargaining with men, selling, out walking the streets by themselves without their mahrams..even late at night. Mind you, most are all in their black jilbaabs, face veils, and gloves. But they function and get there things done. This society actually nurtures women in a certain way to protect their modesty..and actually the modesty of men in all aspects of life. For example the other day the kids spotted a McDonald’s. So we waited for them to reopen after Salat al-Isha (everything stops for Salah around here too..not exaggerating at all). There was a parking lot for men and another for families. This double parking lot set-up is pretty much universal here in Madinah. Another thing my husband was saying that at his university there are office hours he’ll have to provide for both men and women. But the women’s office hours are established through a video conference where they can see him but to protect fitna of the eye he can’t see them, he’ll only be able to hear them insha’Allah. So these female students I guess don’t even have to wear hijab if they prefer not too! Subhan’Allah. Then there are other issues of modesty which seem more based upon culture rather than religion like when my husband took my daughters to the masjid, even though they are 5 and 7..were wearing hijab, it must have been kind of weird for the boys to seem them there because they were staring and somewhat surprised to see girls there. Although at the masjid across the street there is a big women’s section, the few times I’ve been there I haven’t seen any women there. Sign, my 7 yr. old made a good point and said that maybe they were all at Masjid an-Nabawi. So we’ve just made a rule that whenever my husband goes my son can go, and whenever I go the girls can go. I try to go at least once a day because they really enjoy it..and I think its good for them to listen to the Quran and develop an attachment to the masjid. Maybe too because I’ve never lived across the street from a masjid before that I feel the need to be there with my daughters, even though I know it is not mandatory..and sometimes not even encourgagd whether culturally or religiously at times. This is why I sometimes think Rasullilah (alayhee salat wa salaam) taught men not to prevent their wives, daughters from attending the masajid. Because sometimes a woman needs to feel connected in a place dedicated for worship and even though in a private dark room of her home might be better..it might not always be possible with children and all the chores, phone ringing and trials of taking care of a home. Subhan’Allah, Indeed Allah is Ar-Rahman. Having said all that about modesty, I have felt the need to wear niqab myself. Even though I felt that wearing it would be difficult to wear it in the states, I feel that wearing only hijab would be difficult here in Madinah. There is so much to adjust to here, that by just throwing a niqab on actually simplifies things for me by warding off the stares and glares. So although I look the same as any other woman walking in my neighborhood, I know that I am probably very different.

There is so much more I can say, but will save for later but indeed the hardest thing, without a doubt of being here is missing my family. Alhamdulilah not a day passes that I am able to exchange emails with them and hear my mother’s voice. Allah is al-Wadud and has given us so much of His Love, but the human is never satisfied and always wants more. Even being here in Madinah Munawarra I want more..my family to be with me. No one has everything, no one has absolutely nothing. Allah has put us here for a trial..and a limited time too because no one knows how long we will live nor what land we will die. Allah has declared that. But what makes this easier is knowing that this hijrah is for Allah, and that this land is the City of the Prophet. So with it’s trials, with it’s hardship, with it’s instabilities, I pray that Allah grants patience, hope, and reward. For me and my family…and for the millions upon million of Muslims who come to live or just visit this luminous city, and for this Ummah around the world. May Allah guide every human in making the choices that please Him the most…

… And Allah Knows Best.