Luminosity

On my recent stay in Makkah, (alhamdulilah) and even during the nightly increase of people, I am currently witnessing at here in Madinah at Masjid an-Nabi, I am experiencing a sound of similarity in humainty through dhikr, salawaat, duaa, with an influx of diversity through dress, language, and gestures.  It seems like everyday there are more and more people pouring in, and the serene environment where my kids could be 20 feet ahead of me without my worries upon them are now officially over!  Many people come here knowing very well that Madinah is a city of peace due to it’s obvious holiness.  Most people here I’d like to think are here for the right reasons, but one can not be overly secure especially with kids well-being.  Keep in mind that although this is a sacred land, a haram, everyone within, unfortunately is not up to par with the identity of an ideal Muslim as one might expect in a place like this.  We all have ‘room for improvement’ and remember that Allah Alone Knows the intention of people’s hearts.  Then there are those who love kids so much but do not put there safety first when pushing them out of the prayer line so they can pray in their spots, or passing out sugar cubes not knowing whether a child is a diabetic or what not.  Many women come here with an over-zeal of emotions and just don’t think before they act, speak or even stare.  They have been invited to this sacred land and become oblivious of the small deeds they should focus on in order to perfect their big deeds, maybe even forgetting that Islam is not just about prayers, supplications and seeking forgiveness with guideance, and need to be reminded that every tiny iddy biddy gesture should be for the sake of Allah, hence: Islam as a way of life. Our Ummah is in so need of Allah’s Help. Allahu Musta’an.     

Masha’Allah, with the increase of population an appreciation develops within for Allah’s Blessings.  Back in the US, I would always get giddy towards meeting a new sister, a revert I mean.  Even though I may have had ‘experience’ as a practicing Muslim longer than them, I looked at them as a motivator and inspiration towards my nafs in loving Islam even more.  It was their newbie eagerness being full-force that seemed to give me the kick I needed (and still need) from time to time (almost all the time!).  It’s sort of like that here,  I mean about living here in Madinah. Alhamdulilah, it is a test filled with blessings.  The thing is, I don’t always appreciate it as I should, nor do I always contemplate the magnitude of this place as I should.  So seeing these visitors who for some, for many, have literally spent their decades of lifesavings on this trip, to be here from all areas of the globe for just a few days and at most a few weeks, jumpstarts my gratitude towards Allah in being a resident of Prophet Muhammad alayhee salat wa’salaam’s City. This further highlights my need for Allah’s Forgiveness for the sins (especially those only He Knows I own), points out how little I do in return towards His Favors, and how ungrateful I am towards the opportunity of purifying my mind, my inner-self, living and growing on the grounds of our role models, and the best of them our Nabi, alayhee salaam.  Only Allah Knows how short my life will last, and how short my life will last living here in Madinatu-Nabi.  Seeing the world surround the sacred ground, increases my desire to know our beloved Prophet Muhammad, alayhee salat wa’salaam even more, and love for him and helps me put things in perspective when trying to get my kids to be his little copycats. May Allah facilitate that forever.                                                       

There are whack things though about this Saudi culture, and there are situations that have come up that  I have been in the face of which are totally backwards.  But looking at it objectively, the only reason why anyone is even here in Madinah-especially right in Masjid an-Nabawi is due to Allah’s Mercy and if a sister, brother or child is seen with faults, then surely I have faults of my own that most probably annoy others as well, yet I’m still here out of Allah’s Compassion.  This is not always easy to remember, but it is sometimes the only way to cope with misdeeds of others, and misdeeds of oneself.  May Allah help us to overlook each others’ faults, not get defensive with suggestions to worship Allah in the way He deserves, and the courage to ask for clarification on what is pleasing towards our Creator without a feeling of embarrassment. Ameen. 

To be a Muslim doesn’t mean one should negate their own cultures, ideas, even style of dress. It just means that one should adapt their ways towards what is accepting on Allah’s standards as expressed to us in the Quran and exemplified through the Sunnah.  Stepping into a collection of Muslim representations is really breathtaking.  When you get to see a modestly suit-like dressed turkish woman making seemingly sincere duaa as evidenced by tears rolling down to her knees, or when you observe the love of an Indonesian mother portrayed in carrying her child towards Rawda where our Noble Prophet, alayhee salat wasalaam is, to send salaams; or even when you are exposed to an African elderly woman sitting in a wheelchair  struggling whole-heartedly to keep her hands above her hands in hope for Allah’s Help; you can’t help but be moved, intrigued, or inspired if you have the least bit of eman.  Being a witness to Muslim diversity, and being a part of it is a blessing that Allah gives many of us to reflect upon no matter where on the face of this Earth we are upon.  The woman’s lifestyle to my right shares a hope in Allah’s tender Love to be thrown upon her in her struggle to live a righteous life.  The woman’s lifestyle to my left shares a fear of destruction and Allah’s horrendous Wrath in the Hereafter if death catches her on a path that is not on the Straight.  Physicians with donia clout yet with weak eman, and unlettered adults with the best of ihsaan..and everything in between is what we get to see at the Haramain.  All of whom are here hoping to build a piece of remembrance to bring back home, worshipping Allah in the blessed lands, and striving to acheive success in both worlds. 

The state of the Ummah has a distinct gift from Allah that we should all stop and really be grateful for.  It’s that we are the Ummah, we are the believers, we are those Allah promises us Jannah, and regardless of what field of study, what degree, what societal status, we are Muslims whom Allah promises us many gifts, not because we are worthy of them, but because He is truly ar-Rahman.  This swelling diversity, this ongoing rush of people jam into the doors of Masjid an-Nabi is not because of intentionally negating the imprtance good manners-but out of an emotional need & emotional excitement with the ironic aims of being content! Subhan’Allah.  Yeah things like this can get annoying, especially since I enter with my 4 small children, and there are situations even at the haram which can be upsetting and stressful..but that is when that little voice on my right-the ’maala’ikka’ remind me: “the reason why these people are here(residents or visitors) is due to Allah’s Will, Blessings, Mercy and everyone has faults so get over it and stress about your own instead of those fall-backs of others.”  The crowds are not expected to let up until after Ramadan insha’Allah for just a little before Hajj.  So we are just trying to go with the flow as they say, and make the best of a beautiful diverse traffic increase as we walk through the Doors of Mercy to visit the Prophet of Mercy and ultimately have gaining Allah’s Mercy.  Resident or visitor of this luminous city, we are all in it together.  May Allah facilitate a visit for those who seek it, and may Allah facilitate a hijrah to Madinah for those who seek it. Ameen. 

Imagine what Makkah must be like now..?! Seeing it on tv is intense enough, masha’Allah!  Just a couple of weeks ago, I was kind of in shock of the amount of people there.  We got there on a Wednesday, and were so grateful we had finished our Umrah right after Isha because by Thursday (which is always seems to be the busiest day of the week, here in Madinah or Makkah) tawaffin’ was very intense…masha’Allah!!  When we were on the second floor watching the masses  some commented that it seemed as packed as Ramadan down there.  Staring at bait’Allah while imagining the Angels encircling up above somewhere in the samawaat around another House of Allah, and contemplating the diversity of a small portion of our world-wide Ummah magnitized to the Kaaba below is something I highly rec’d for any Muslim at Masjid al-Haraam to experience.  Nothing else in the world matters but talking to Allah,askin g Him to assure a spot in Jannah when one sees thousands upon thousands seeking Allah in every Sunnah way possible.  I haven’t gone for hajj yet, but I can only imagine..and to think that we are just in the beginning of Umrah season. Masha’Allah, La Hawla Wala Quwatta illa’billah..

Now about the latest controversy at Masjid an-Nabi women’s section.  Saudi girls are taught from a very young age the importance of dressing modestly outside their homes, and rightfully so.  Though I’m pretty convinced that the belief here is that niqab is fard, even encouraged for the girls who haven’t entered into the age of accountability.  This would make sense seeing that young girls whose moms who wear hijab back in the West often would like to wear the hijabs out to the supermarkets or wherever. The women of Madinah tend to wear the black over-head abayah with the niqab covering the eyes & gloves too.  No peaking into them at all..masha’Allah.  In the haram, their over-head tends to drop to the shoulders while still in their hijab, gloves come off and there is a trail of their abayah dragging across the floor with every step.  At the Masjid an-Nabi’s girls’ school office, one sister kindly advised me to cover my face in the haram too because I guess the King or one of the higher-ups in Madinah, women are now allowed to come in the Mosque wih camera phones.  Subhan’Allah, because right before this ‘naseeha’ was given to me I noticed a group of Egyptian women snapping shots of each other inside and I warned them to hide or get rid of it; that they should stop before the female guards would see them.  Little did I know this was unnecessary.  As far as I remember there have always been video cameras in the women’s section?  I asked the female staff members about this, and they said that men only use the tapes in case of an emergency-with the female staff being aware that is going to happen first.   This might explain why many women guards (all saudi it seems) choose not to reveal their faces in the women’s prayer areas eeven before the let up of the camera phone ban.  But I did ask a few why they did and the response was “just because”maybe they are more comfortable that way in preserving their modesty even infront of other women I guess.  I ascribed that towards the culture and not Islam.  This also explains why the girls halaqas are now held downstairs in the mother-forbidden entry school rather than out in the midst of crowds within the prayer area. Also, probably to avoid distractions as visitors of Rasullilah, alayhee salat wasalaam tend to get all giddy when they see young girls learning Quran in a circle, masha’Allah tabarak’Allah. Kind of gets to me though that I can’t even see my girls physical set up that they spend their nights in.  But I guess I should get used to it as it is not any worse than the fact that I will also be forbidden entry into my son’s future school insha’Allah starting from first grade (…hmm, that’s if I even send him!!).

Nevertheless, the diversity of Muslimaat are in full effect where majority are not in niqab, you hear only the similarity of Islamic terms as common languages, and little girls from nations across the world filling in with their display of baby-doll like hijabs and the cutest of the cute clothing.  These are just a few reasons why I’ve always said that by going to the haram I feel a melting pot of cultures which is something I miss of being back in the US versus the ‘Sa’wadah’ of things here. Kheir insha’Allah.

Subhan’Allah, back to the camera phone issue for a second.  Last night in the courtyard, actually right on the side of the steps to the entrance of the Masjid, I noticed a woman guard raising her voice towards some Turkish women (Turkish sisters tend to be very kind, masha’Allah..). The women from Turkey didn’t speak any Arabic, but it was clear to them what was being said. NO CAMERAS.  The guard was so upset and very emotional, angry & sad..almost in tears about this actually it seemed. I approached her and tried calming her down.  I placed my hand upon her and reminded her to be patient and pointed out that this might be the first and last time these sisters are here and although they shouldn’t be taking pictures of people they are just in an emotional rush, encouraging her to let it go, in a gentle way.  She said to me that she was worried that women’s faces would be put up on the internet and if they wanted to take snap-shots it should be of the buildings not the people. I agreed with her and still continued to calm her down by saying we should make duaa for them to ask Allah for them to be guided..Alhamdulilah, the Iqama was then called and it was over-the ‘fight’.  This is a simple example of how BIG and threatening the camera phones are to the female workers of Masjid an-Nabi, even though this incident was outside.  

Because the nightly halaqas running for the different groups of girls are no longer in the prayer area, which means there are no more unregistered ‘maktaba’ classes for the kids who’d like to learn a thing or two in a playful environment during the week, only Thursdays & Fridays-weekend.  This is also a result of the cameras because the teachers are fearful that visitors will be taking their pictures, and it is not fair for the young girls to learn Quran from a person they can’t even see movement of lips or facial expression.  The haram women are requesting that we write a note of complaint in a book they have in the office with contact details so they can present this to the sheeyookh and managers of the haram, and also encouraging us to get our husbands involved.  They want to be able to expose their faces inside and they believe their right to do so is being infringed upon by allowing these cameras inside. Some of the guards at the entrance are ignoring the dropped rule and continue to search for the camera phones in purses and such.   This is the happening crisis here. 

I’ll conclude this camera phone thing with a personal note inshaAllah. I was outside as my 2 younger kids, Believer and Piety were praying while the older two went in with my mother.  Believer said “Mama, that lady is taking a picture of us.” I turned around and a young woman, she looked like an Emirati woman maybe, had already taken one without me knowing about it and asked if she could take another one…I said no (with a smile).  My mom thought I made a big a deal of it I think, and thought I should have just let her..but the truth is there are lots of other cute kids on the internet praying and such this woman can print out or whatever, and my maternal protectiveness of my children was brought out at that moment.  Back in the US, no one would ever take a random picture of a random someone openly like that.  Namely because privacy tends to be more respected, emphasized, and staring is something taught as very rude.  Here, it’s no problem at all.  I am not talking about lowering ones’ gaze towards the oppposite gender,  I’m saying that women stare at each other, teens, older girls (younger kids its natural and you can’t be upset by that)..it’s almost encouraged! Subhan’Allah. Please be extra careful with them when you are here, the last thing anyone needs to do is earn Allah’s displeasure by offending anyone…camera , staring, whatever. Jazak’Allahu Khair.

In any amount of disclosure of how this place is run, and how the cultural diversity is, the Saudis are, or whatever aspect about this Masjid and City, Masjid an-Nabi’s sweetness cannot be over-rated, and Madinah Munawarra are filled with virtues that can not be overstated.  So we shouldn’t confuse the sanctity of the place with the ill social conduct of some people. I’m not going to delve into all the negativities I see because the good outweighs all of that, and I fear that some reading this would take it as general assumptions about Muslims, worse, Islam. But I will tell you-whoever you are..that if you come here thinking that it is a utopic environment then you will be discouraged.  Because of this expanding diversity of thousands, please be aware that corruption does exist.  A wake-up call to myself first.

What I have discovered here, is that any small tiny bit of sin, wrong-doings or misdeeds is ironically magnified in vision.  It’s really a big deal here because of the sanctity of this luminous city or even in (especially in) Makkah where you have the Kaaba staring back at you.  A sour situation witnessed anywhere else on Earth just doesn’t hurt as much because somehow I tend to rationalize that most people are not aware of the fulfilling ways of Islam so I blame there ignorances of Allah’s deen for their faults and have hope that He will guide them.  On the flipside to that is here in Madinah, a simple tiny bit of goodness being poured out by others revives the spirit of Islam.  This enticement becomes a catchy motivator to the nafs of what Allah loves.  Wallahi, a smile means so much in the midst of a stressful moment, and even moreso here because most of the time, it is from a believer who is on a spritiual retreat.  I am in love with practicing Muslims, our history, and the blessings Allah has always bestowed on us through time.  I am in love with Madinah, it’s history, and it’s blessings of all time. Wa’alhamdulilah. But love hurts when it’s people do not always represent the best of Islam, including myself.  Love hurts when history is forgotten, and blessings are seen as a given rather than something uniquely special to our Ummah.  This is the only way how I can explain that Islam is a perfect system, but us Muslims are far from it.  Aren’t we taught that it is not our good deeds alone that will get us into Jannah? It is the Mercy of Allah.  Here, the goodness is enriched and the corruption is magnified..so my heart’s mission is left to aim at glamourizing the good and suppressing the evil I see..and hope that I can remain positive with all the negativity shouting at me, and praying I can negate the negativity with all the pure good I could rarely ever see living in the US.  Just another part of my jihad in Madinah Munawarra I guess.  Probably the jihad of any Muslim anywhere in the world dealing with others in our Ummah too.  May Allah guide each of us, making our children stronger in faith than we are, and granting us Firdous out of His Compassion and Mercy. Ameen. 

Wa’Alhamdulilahi Rabb’il Alameen.

                                                                                                                     …and Allah Knows Best.

Here they are!

1. Lost a wallet filled with hundreds of riyals, credit cards, how about an allied health practicing license (OT specifically) and cochlear implant & hearing aid batteries for your child?? (yup, 2 days ago-don’t ask me why I was carrying all of this)

Check the Lost & Found Office at Door 30, everything found by honest people end up there, I have the number, not on me though i’ll get that up soon insha’Allah.

2. Want to give sadaqah jareeyah in Madinah Munawarra at the 2nd holiest Masjid?

Donate a wheelchair and register it at the office by Door 25.  Masha’Allah they have lots, but there’s always in need for those busy times, and for better ones due to wear and tear of the old.  Or just buy one of those foldable prayer stools you can get from any store nearby (about 15-20 riyals, maybe you can find it as low as 10 too) and bring it in, and leave without it. My husband told me they are everywhere in the men’s section, but in the woman’s side they are usually all in gathered in one or two locations, you have to look for them. Another thing is copies of Quran in various languages.  MashaAllah in Makkah Mukarramah you can find translations of all kind, anywhere in Masjid al-Haram.  But here at the Prophet’s Mosque they are more reserved to one or two locations as well. Oh, and dawah booklets in various languages they will take as well inshaAllah, review and keep in office 26.  Masha’Allah they have ample supply of these things, but during crunch times it’s not always easy to find.

3. How about ‘needing’ a wheelchair?

No problem, just prove you’re legal here by going to that same office and showing proof-Umrah Visa. They’ll give you one for your entire stay in Madinah to take back & forth to hotel. Free too, masha’Allah.

4.  Want the Ajr for feeding a Fasting person?

Bring Balahh, Dates I mean, especially on Mondays & Thursdays, when many come to break their fasts these days  Bread is also allowed inside, not much of anything else though.

5. Camera Phones now allowed…but in the Office only, not Salah Area 

For about 3 weeks now, Camera phones are allowed for women, but to stay in the office-not salah area. With a catch. Entering through entrance 25, use the door furthest left, the guard will direct you to an office where you will leave your phone in a locked box, name and they will give you a number to retrieve it on your way out. Don’t even try to negotiate with them, they will be more stubborn denying you in the Masjid with it, than your persistence.  (*this is really big because before they didn’t give you an option to leave it anywhere, and women with a camera phone just had to pray out in the courtyard, or pass it to their mahrams in order to get inside-no issue with camera phones in men’s section.*)

6. Lock your strollers

Or at least fold them up. Children fill the courtyard, mashaAllah, and an empty parked stroller can be a very tempting ride for kids who escape their mother’s vision.

7.  Pictures of any kind, even cartoon characters are a big NO. 

No Fulla pictures either! My girls had their backpacks with them with a pic of Fulla, a Muslim verision of Barbie wearing the saudi black jilbaab and black hijab.  Let’s just put it this way..the next day I made sure there were heart stickers on the pics faces. Which to them is acceptable.

8. Classes!

Registered Halaqahs going on 5x/s week for girls of all levels between asr-maghrib, maghrib-isha with adult halaqahs on tajweed & knowledge mornings as well.  You don’t have to be registered to sit by to listen though.  Motivate your kids to sit by the other girls.  Soft spot for new muslims too, so if not registered they might be able to acommodate you in other ways. If no one speaks English they will find one inshaAllah. Don’t feel intimidated though..most do speak it mashaAllah.

9. Offer the ZamZam

There are  always women & kids out on the courtyard.  If you have  a free hand while leaving the haram, then fill an extra cup to deliver it to a random sister (my preference is to an elder, because it can be a challenge to bend over, low enudrance, decreased strength)

10. See a child with a disability?

Don’t stare out of the corner of your eye. Go to them bend over, be at their level say ‘asalaam alaikum’ even though they might be so cognitively delayed they don’t understand the words-words are just words if without meaning anyway. Allah understands you, and this person has feelings probably stronger than your own. Look at his or her mother and say a kind word, maybe share a duaa…not out of sympathy. Give empathy.

ok, that’s 10…for now!

& Allah Knows Best.

Asalaam Alaikum Warahmat Allah Wabarakatu:

At Fajr, I got the girls on the bus for school.  Made the coffee and sat down to check my email and read up what’s going on in this world.  Before I got the scoop on this donia, I ironically was again reminded of the akhira.  Subhan’Allah.  Insha’Allah, I need to share with you, what was shared with me… 

A friend from back home, living now in Maryland sent me of a very recent update written by another sister from Maryland, currently in the grave who completed hajj this past season.  May Allah have mercy on her, pour light in her grave, and grant her Firdous, ameen.  Her letter has been forward throughout the Muslim Ummah of Maryland, USA.  However, I am posting it here (without the use of authentic names*) in hopes the good words she used towards our Ummah, the true spirit of Islam, and ultimately the beauty of Allah’s Rahmah (Mercy) will be considered an ongoing sadaqah charity for her.  Also to include her in your duaa today;  May Allah have mercy on her, pour light in her grave, grant her shade on the Day, and bless her with Firdous. Ameen.

“All-
What can I say?! Hajj was the most blessed, loving and healing experience that I have ever had. Yes, a once in a lifetime dream come true, and that is if I could dream so fabulously. Up until the experience, I thought I could. But this has even exceeded my best of dreams. Alhumdulilah! I’m going to tell you in advance that this update might be long. I’m just thinking that I have soooooooo much to share. So get comfortable and forgive me for being wordy! (smile)From the beginning. My trip began in Egypt. We flew out of JFK, NY and flew Egypt Air. What a horrible flight. It’s cramped and so did my legs and everyone was coughing and hacking and sneezing. The flight is 9 hours and although I wore a mask which many fellow flyers shared with me that that was a great idea. To this day my legs are still recovering. So a little advice, if you every fly Egypt Air I encourage you to get two seats. They don’t charge you more. They understand the need. But unless you ask, forget about it. Some of you know my parents live in Egypt. My dad and my stepmother as well as my niece Laila. And I just fell in love with her. We are now BFF! Gotta love that. She is graduating from high school this year 2008. Wanting to attend my Alma Motta The University of Maryland. And wanting to hang out with her Aunts Moi and my sister Zeinab* who lives less than 15 minutes away from me. Gotta love that even more. In all of these years I have never had one conversation with Leeyan*. And I’ve always wanted to do so. So by the grace of Allah, we got the opportunity and I just love her. We have a shared experience, both being raised by my stepmother. And those of you who know me, know that there has been some shall we say “issues” surrounding that upbringing. Remember when I sent you all that e-mail asking for forgiveness prior to hajj? And thank you for graciously responding. I saw this as an opportunity to talk with my stepmother and do the same. We hadn’t spoken in over 30 years! WOW! I know! I engaged her and she responded. She was hesitant at first, which is understandable since she really doesn’t know me. But we spoke for hours. It was healing and cleansing in that we now have a better understanding of each other. And it was down and dirty as my sister would say. We talked about everything. Leeyan was present which was great in itself, because she like me could benefit from understanding. By the way her name is Maryam* but we call her Ummi, which means mother in Arabic. For years I rejected calling her Ummi. But Alhumdulilah, its cool now. See how blessed this trip was?! Ummi and I embraced like we have never done. I asked her for forgiveness and not only did she forgive me but she turned right back around and asked for my forgiveness. How awesome is that. It was a love/healing fest. Afterwards, Ummi said it was a wonderful “session” which is the perfect word to describe it. Then she hugged and kissed me like she had never done. It was sweet and motherly. How wonderful was that! So this is how my trip began. Healing and love from the very beginning. I neglected to state that Dad and Ummi live in a fabulous home in New Cairo and I would expect nothing less from her. She has always had exquisite taste.It was during this very short visit, about 3 days that I got sick. I completely lost my voice. I mean nothing was coming out. No sound. My legs were cramping and I was a mess! In retrospect it was indeed an ar-rahma = blessing from Allah. That I will explain later. However, Ummi cared for me. Even gave me her warm pjs, which I took with me to jajj. Made me soup and well, It was just beautiful. Really cool. I slept one complete day. Didn’t realize it until I awakened that I had spent no time with father. Insha-Allah, on the way back.So Ummi and Leeyan took us to the airport. We flew from Egypt to Medina and then flew first class to Jeddah. I’ve never flown first class before. So it was a treat. Those reclining seats were as wide as a twin bed. Gave my legs needed stretching room. It was cool. This is where hajj really hits you. Everyone on board is headed to make hajj. We are all reciting aloud a prayer answering Allah’s call to make hajj. That is everyone, even the pilot! So cool. We Muslims believe that only Allah determines who make hajj. In fact when you return you hear of countless stories of folks who never got there; were turned away at the airport or something. So we believe that hajj is an invitation from Allah. And you feel it. You feel as though Allah is calling you home. Now I know I’m just going to cry now. The thought of the realization frankly overwhelms me. I am so grateful for the blessing of hajj.

We traveled with “darelsalam” travel. I highly recommend them to those of you who are thinking of making hajj. They were incredible. They took about 2 thousand American citizens from all over the country. And countless Canadians. It is a little pricy but worth every penny. First class all the way. Including the knowledge and teaching and Love. More love than I could ever describe. At every point of travel, even at JFK, there was a darelsalam representative there awaiting our arrival to assist us. By this time my legs were shot and I had no voice so they were indeed needed. And they rose to the occasion. I’m not sure how many buses there were but we were on bus 27. When hubbie and I entered the bus, the Imam stopped everything and made an announcement. He said to everyone, “I want you all to know that Allah will answer all of your prayers because of YOU! And he looked at me and pointed to me. Now remember, I don’t know this man or anyone else except for hubbie. I looked at hubbie and said, is he talking about me? What did I do. He then responded to me as if he could read the expression on my face since remember, I had no voice. He said yes you, “Sister Jawharah*!”. Allah has blessed us with you. I just started balling. What else could I do. Later I understood what he was saying. I was visibly ill. In Islam, sickness is an ar-rahma=blessing from Allah. Since it brings you closer to Allah and is indeed a cleansing and expiation of sins. That is what Muslims believe. Caring for the ill or sick is also looked at as an ar-rahma from Allah. It is a blessing to care for the sick. So what he was saying was that Allah blessed them with me because Allah has given them me to care for during the very special journey of Hajj. How beautiful is that! And boy did they rise to the occasion. My sisters in Islam were fabulous. I was hugged and kissed and such kind words were said to me. When I wasn’t crying happy tears I was hugging someone. At Arafat, our first stop after paying a visit to the Kaba. Women and men were in separate tents. Our tent was beautiful. The sisters had set up a bed for me in the back. Remember the movie ‘Pretty Woman’ with Julia Roberts? The seen where she is shopping? Well that’s how it was. Except for me they were all doctors surrounding me. Taking my pulse checking my eyes. It was too funny. They all thought that my apparent illness was due to cancer but I had no voice to tell them that I just got ’sick’ in Egypt(-cancer symptoms had literally just begun-)! It was days before I could explain that I walk 3.5 miles a day at home. I’m fine! Just have a cold of some sort! It was just too funny. I later found out that they thought I was much younger. Said I looked like I was in my twenties. Imagine there surprise when I told them that I was 43! Now that was funny. The conversation began, “Sister Jawharah* how long have you been married? It is so obvious how much your husband loves you. Alhumdulilah” To which I responded 15 years. The next question or statement was that I shouldn’t have gotten married so young. They thought I was a newlywed, given Hubbie’s attentiveness. I said no, hubbie is always like this he is just on steroids this trip! But I’m 43 and I did not get married young. That was funny. My sisters were shocked. When they found out that I walk 3 plus miles a day, they were even more surprised. But this gave me opportunity to talk about IBC. To talk about non-traditional healing techniques. Only one out of the many doctors had ever heard of IBC. So through sign language and one sister sitting close enough to both hear and read my lips repeating what I was saying aloud. It was indeed an educational opportunity. And they were all lovingly attentive. Alhumdulilah. So they understood that although I was a metestatic breast cancer patient, I was not symptomatic. Very impressed. And very thankful to Allah. All of them prayed for me the entire trip. And told me so. One sister told her husband who is pictured extensively on Egyptian television. I look up and she is introducing me to him. He asked some question about my health and the next thing I know he is on the mic to the entire group Americans and Canadians, telling them all bout me. Saying a prayer for me and asking them to join him. I’m just balling again. All of these people were praying for me. It was amazing. And everyday, I felt so much love. It was as if Allah was personally embracing me. I felt it. It was like hubbie times a million. A love that I can’t fully describe. Followed up with acts and words of love and kindness from all of these people. It was the most amazing feeling. Remember when I told you that me getting sick in Egypt was an Ar-Rahma from Allah? Well indeed. It felt like not only did Allah want me to feel his love, but he wanted me to in addition feel it from his greatest creation, mankind. They were awesome. The thought of there kindness continues to bring tears to my eyes. Some of the things that were shared and said to me were profoundly loving. So very amazing.

I can’t describe seeing the Kaba for the first time. This is were all Muslims face at least 5 times a day in prayer. All Muslims, no matter where you are in the world. And here you are, standing in front of it with 4 million others from all over the world. The diversity is heart warming. Pilgrims from Tunisia, China, many parts of Africa, Greece, the U.S., Switzerland, etc. You have never seen such diversity ever at a gathering. All dressed in white. Absolutely beautiful. Ummi shared a story during her hajj where she met a family complete with babies and little ones, a pot for cleaning and food preparation, rice and meal, that had walked from Chad! Yes, walked from Chad. It took 2 years but they made it. Amazing! You see the pilgrims all over. They have there tents and sleep in the street. You literally walk over them. And I know what you think. Saudi Arabia is a desert. Well know it isn’t. Mecca is a major city. If you want to see sand you gotta look for it. At night we stayed at The Hilton. Yes, the Hilton, complete with room service. And so did many others. The Kaba is surrounded by high rise buildings/hotels. Name the hotel, it is there. So are KFC, Burger King and McDonalds. Name the fast food restaurant and it is there. I don’t think I saw any sand. It is a major city. Its doors are open to the pilgrims of hajj and they city belongs to us. Shopping is amazing. From the 22 karat gold to the scarves and Islamic clothing. Things that would cost us 440+ dollars here cost 7-10 dollars there. I wasn’t able to do much shopping but hubbie did some. Awesome deals. The dollar may be tanking but it does well in the east.One of the most amazing things for a Muslim in the U.S. is to hear the call to prayer live 5 times a day. Brought tears to my eyes every time. And when it begins, everything stops. I mean everything. The escalator stops running! If you are in the middle of a transaction at the store or restaurant, it stops until after prayer. My sister-in-law coined a fraise; “stop, drop and pray”! There is no other way to describe it. Everyone stops to pray right there and when prayer is over, life continues. As a Muslim all I can say is Alhumdulilah to that. I just loved it.

At the end you say goodbye to the holy city. I didn’t want to leave. I felt the urge to stay. It was strong. Didn’t want to leave that ever embracing love. Alhumdulilah, I still feel it but I want to go back. It was like a Muslim Woodstock with millions more and all the love plus some. So very awesome.

You can only imagine the goodbyes to all of our newly met family. Upon my suggestion we put together a contact list and I’ve received several e-mails already. Hubbie and I were also invited to attend an opening of an orphanage in Egypt. The project and dream of our group leader, Qasim*. There is such a need and he is raising money for it. I pray that Allah will answer his prayers and bless him with this orphanage. It is such a worthy cause. He not only asked us to come as his honored guest when it opens but he asked me to speak. How funny is that. I had no voice throughout the entire trip. And since this opening is scheduled to receive wide media attention internationally, Qasim* said that he would help me use this platform to talk more about IBC and my concern about breast cancer spreading throughout African and the east. How awesome is that. Hear that Dr. Laveen*? That means I need data! Gotta love that. I’ll let you all know when. And if you want to contribute to the orphanage let me know.So we completed hajj and returned to Egypt to hang out with the folks. Well it was very different this time. Although my voice was improving, you could hear some sound. Ummi, Leeyan* and I ran the streets. Talk about shop until you drop. We had a blast. These prices were better than Saudi. And Ummi knew everything. Did I mention that she is as cute as a button and Laila is a very attractive young lady and she has a different look compared to the other Egyptians. Ummi actually looks Egyptian. I can’t tell you how many women I saw at the Egypt airport that looked just like her. Her and Leeyan* speak the language fluently and they are experts in haggling/negotiating price which is part of the culture. It is assumed that you will do so. So between Ummi and Leeyan* I was in great hands. Laila had anyone under 20 years old eating out of her hands. Know that only men are at the stores selling stuff although the women are shopping. Leeyan* would give them that look or pout! They didn’t know what hit them. And everyone else was at Ummi’s mercy. They would simply say to me, how much do you want to spend. Goodness. When I say shopped until I dropped I mean it. We had a blast! I didn’t know Ummi was such a shopper. We could hang out all the time. She is one of us! I told my shopping girls upon my return home that they had to visit. Ummi and Leeyan* are shoppers just like us and they believe in getting the best deal. The hijab that I would buy here costs 30-70 dollars. In Egypt it was 1-3 dollars! Stop the madness. And gorgeous silks and silk blends. I must have purchased at least 50. But don’t tell hubbie! (smile). So needless to say, returning to Egypt was even more bonding at a female level – shopping! Good food and shopping. You might be shocked to hear that the malls are the same here, complete with starbucks and cinibun! By the way, Egypt or New and Old Cairo are the same. Looking for sand you gotta look for it. Visiting the pyramids was as simple as driving down town DC and looking at the monument. Part of the city skyline, the pyramids are magnificent. So we took pictures standing next to them and on a camel. Yes, I got on a camel. As I was doing so with hubbie,my brain said to me, “Jawharah*, what are you doing?! I just asked it to give me a minute and indeed it did, Alhumdulilah. What I neglected to say was this was my first airplane ride since breast cancer and brain surgeries. You know when you are on an airplane and your ears pop? Well my ears didn’t pop but my brain did. I can’t explain it but it is as horrible as it sounds. Alhumdulilah I survived it and I’m home. I feel fabulous. My legs or really its only my left leg is getting better daily and my voice is slowly returning. Saw my naturalpath today and is scheduled to see my PCP this Friday. MRI of the brain is scheduled for Tuesday the 8th Insha-Allah. Insha-Allah. I’m just so grateful. Wow!Now although hubbie and I didn’t take any pictures many did including Ummi of us at the pyramids. So my sisters and brothers in Islam have been sending me pictures. Hubbie and I may be in one or two. So when I figure out how to send you the link, Insha-Allah I will do so. Look for the Update that has pictures in the subject line.Have a happy New Year, Insha-Allah. Love you all.Hajjah Jawharah* – too funny! Alhumdulilah!”

I wonder if she ever got to send those pictures? Maybe not, but hopefully, by Allah’s Mercy she’s viewing more beautiful ones of her placement in Jannah..while she awaits Ressurection Day. Let’s try our best to earn beautiful scenes when we are buried down awaiting in al-barzakh.
                                                  

                                                                                                                              …and Allah Knows Best.

“The believers are those who believe in God and His Messenger, then have not doubted, and have struggled with their possessions and their selves in the way of God; those — they are the truthful ones. “

{Quran al Kareem, 49:15}

This is all I want for them, for my children..for my family..and myself.  May Allah guide us all and our Ummah..Ameen. 

Inquiring minds wanted to know, it went like like this…

Sign, my 8 year old girl asked: “Mama, why do we need to pray to Allah if He doesn’t need us too?”Me: “Because Allah created us for the only purpose of worshipping Him.”Sign: “Because He’s testing us?”Me: “Yeah, we all have a choice.”Sign: “Ok Mama”..and she leaves back to her bed with Quran recitation in the background playing into the childrens’ bedrooms.

I didn’t get into more detail with her, simply because she jumped out of bed to ask me these questions and I have drilled them with this information time and time again.  But I suspect that everything I teach my children will have to be re-confirmed in their hearts as adults for a pre-requisite in being adult Mumineen with taqwa, ihsaan, and a burning desire for ibadah.  Maybe “pre-requisite” isn’t the most appropriate way to describe it.   But to smoothly accept Islam as rationale reflectors rather than just accepting Truth without understanding it.  In my life I have met Muslims who accept Islam in their hearts in 2 ways:  Faith through reason, or Reason through faith.  I hope my children will have of both.  I don’t want them to follow everything blindly just because they should because then I fear salah and deeds will be done just for the sake of being done.  At the same time, there has to be a balance of not going overboard with the questions, because although we are to seek answers, we shouldn’t look for knowledge that is only with Allah. I know there is a hadith somewhere about that..

So now, I feel like I need to down pour them with knowledge and yet am not doing as much as needed.  Granted I am doing more these days, but still something is still off.  My patience crashes, I don’t get on their cases about wudu as I should, and their sibling rivalry drives me insane and leaves me in a hopeless mess. I can’t help but make duaa that Allah will guide them and that they will be amongst those in Jannat-al Firdous.  Raising these kids is real scary if I sit to think.  I have a huge responsibility and many times I think I undermine it, and by doing so I neglect my duties towards them.  People back in the US have often told me, family and acquaintenances, of how overly protective I am of them.  I don’t really think that. But  ironically, I get those comments here too.  Admittingly, I am fearful of letting go, because I know there’s going to come a time insha’Allah that I will have no other option.  If Allah wills, I only have a few more years of this and then my job of teaching them through stories, commanding them to do this or being convincing might very well end. They trust me, and Allah has given me 4 tiny souls with big hearts loving Him, as an Amana. I don’t want to screw up. I pray that I don’t.

 Subhan’Allah,  being a mom is not easy, everytime my ego tells me I’ve got it together..the reality check slaps me back to reality that its just an illusion. A cycle that can be explained like this.  You know that phrase “the more you learn, the more you know?” Well somehow for me it’s like the more I seek knowledge, experience or patience the more it seems I need.  This is that never-ending process I feel like I go through everyday with them. This cycle is my jihad with hopes towards Allah in turning them out as souls with true Taqwa.  

Speaking of Sabr’, on the way back from Makkah (insha’Allah i’ll get to that in a minute), Sign asked me what I was reading as my eyes were glared down in the middle of the dessert 1/2 way back home to Madinah.  I was on the chapter of Prophet Ayub, alayhee asalaam from  ”Stories of the Prophets”.  She started telling me the story of his great patience..and with detail too, mashaAllah. I took a look at her father beside me and asked if he taught this to her, she replied “No you did mama!!” SubhanAllah, I don’t even remember teaching these kids some things they come up with, but it proved to me that YES! Alhamdulilah, my my tiny effort in teaching my children through stories of Quran might be actually sinking in. With eyes of interest and hearts opened with imagination glowing from their eyes during storytime, explanation of sunnah time, and in general talking of Islam time, it gives me hope that they will apply these to their lives and it will impact their personalities in a positive light.  It’s just when I see them losing it with each other, huffing and puffing when I tell them to pick up their room, or to refrain from sharing with each other I get discouraged and have no choice aside from invoking Allah with this mothering gig I have going on. Sigh….kids will be kids…alhamdulilah.

The other night when we left Masjid an-Nabi and found our 5 pairs of shoes thrown on the courtyard and the stroller no where to be seen.  I said “Astakfullilah!” (3rd time to lose a stroller since we’ve moved here, and 2 others broke-so this is number 6!) Sign said “Mama, this is just a test from Allah!” While I thought, a test with the stroller again?!! We ended up finding some kids playing with it on the other side of the courtyard.  I was livid and the 10ish year old boy and little bro was scared.  I asked where his mother was..and reminded him that what he did was HARAM to take something that didn’t belong to him..especially in Madinah.  His mother apologized ofcourse, but then let out a comment that made me upset “I told him to go give the stroller back to who he took it from” Subhan’Allah, he was still playing with it right infront of her..maybe she was just busy or something.  I had to remember the 70 excuses rule given by Prophet Muhammad-salAllahu alayhee wasalam..Parents need to wake up, especially here. Before I moved here I thought for sure I’d find the strictest of parents and I’d be the laid back one.  This couldn’t be further from the truth though. Parents often give their children excuses that because they are kids given them the lollipops, let them stay up late, and let a whining child get their way most of the time (not just some).  I guess this works for them, but not for me…and yet I do not claim anywhere near perfection..(i mean no where at all!). So back to the point…fold up & lock up those strollers!!  This also probably explains what happened to our other one! May Allah reward the sister from one of the Khaleej countries who got up to help me look for it. Ameen.

Anyways, then there’s Mercy who whenever she catches me exchanging more than a few words after Salaams to another..she asks “Is she going to be your friend?!” Last night walking out of the Haram this is exactly what happened as she listened to another sister and I talking about our backgrounds (she’s from NY, afghani decent).  I politely reminded her, she is a sister in Islam and being sisters is more than being friends.  We talked about what brotherhood and sisterhood in Islam means, they thought it was funny that the Ummah are a bunch of sibling! :-)  But I think they finally get it alhamdulilah, and I can only hope that when they sneak a peak at me looking out for the elderly or my husband giving a bag of food to a random street worker that they will really understand the love between the believers.  I pray that Allah will accept this because good deeds mean nothing if not for Allah alone..(Ameen).  But the thing is, I try to follow the Book of Allah, and be the copy-cat of Rasullilah(as) and most beautiful women, but I am faaaaaaaaaaar from that, and there is sooooooo much room for improvement.  The problem is when my children see me as ideal. I don’t want them to see me as that, because then I fear they will not try to be better.  May Allah guide them so they remain upon fitrah..

Makkah was, as always is, Magnificient. masha’Allah.   Rennovations to make Sayee’ bigger is the current thing there, and although the locals of Saudi and the Arab states may call it busy, the world would call it pretty much empty especially for a Thursday Umrah.  Weather was beautiful, but by Friday at Fajr noses were red and drippy while their fingers were wishing they brought their gloves.  Subhan’Allah never had I experienced Makkah with such a beautifully cool (borderline cold) active breeze like that.  Quite refreshing alhamdulilah.  Nearly cried when walking back towards the hotel for our bags after Jummuah though. I get this feeling that everytime I go there it could very well be my last time under the Arsh of Allah..and it scares me. But especially when Sign (again) asked:  “Mama, you say when we go to Makkah it’s because Allah is inviting us, so when we leave is it because He’s asking us to leave?” I told her it’s just Him planning our time, and our time is up..for now and hopefully not forever!” Yeah, masha’Allah she’s been full of comments lately!! 

On a different note though we saw the monkeys again!  The past few times we’ve gone, we see the monkeys playing on the highway, and the sides.  Often a couple of cars are parked to interact with them, we’ve meant too  but we always miss them by going too fast to actually stop.  Hmm, I wonder if there were monkeys back in the days of Rasullilah, alayhee salat wa salaam’s hijrah??  There is a theory about the history of these monkeys I’ve heard but for the sake of not offending anyone I’ll keep them to myself!

My kids are my life, and my deen is what keeps me balanced..and when I feel out of whack like this I can’t help but think its a deficiency of my relationship with Allah.  There are so many Muslims across the world that are better than me, more deserving, so when people say I am blessed to be living in Madinah Munawarra, I have to say it reminds me of my duties that are hanging on my neck.  I don’t know, but because Allah is the Most Fair, al-Adl,  it seems that by being here, my soul has actually been given a bigger responsibility than maybe most other Muslims towards doing the right thing.  One of my fears of being here in Madinah is that I may come to take this place for granted, but when Allah sends me to Makkah Mukarrama, it is a rejuvenator, a cleanser of my niyya’…Allah knows best..

 We made a stop in Jeddah on the way back so my husband could apply for a family visit visa for my mother (please join me in making duaa for her, she is sick, and I’m the other side of the globe from her and this is my only way to help her to make beg Allah to cure her of her asthma-jazakALlah kheir).  Jeddah is sooo different than Madinah.  It reminds me so much of my upbringing home, Boston.  They have the ritzy hotels, exquisite malls and stores..and although we only went into IKEA for a stroll it was pretty cool because it was a little piece of the West right here in Saudi.  There was a Chuckee Cheese there too that was sort of like a mall, mashaAllah. Kids obviously won and we went there for some fun.  It was the morning though like 10:30ish..and here no one is awake then. So they had the rides and fun all to themselves, mashaAllah. I assume after Isha it’s packed. But the best thing about Jeddah was a 30 minute stop we made by a river where the kids were playing in the sand.  Never had I seen a Masjid on a beach, let alone listening to Adhan al-Duhr surrounded by Allah’s beautiful creations of seagull.  There were a few men working there, cleaning and at the shop, but they left for salah along with my husband mashaAllah.  I then let the sun hit my face with the warm breeze as they were making sandcastles and such. This was Allah giving us a piece pure uncorrupted sweetness of donia…making me more eager for becoming a Jannati…(ya Rabb!).   

Prior to our trip, I met up with a dear friend who is the owner of this store/resourceful site geared towards reviving the Sunnah of health, particularly hijama: http://healthmeanswealth.co.uk. On and off she has taught me about hijama, you know cupping.  So ignorant to what it was, I began reading up on it..Last week I met up with her and I got it done.  A very light and dry hijama, but hijama it was!  InshaAllah I’ll have to post more about it later inshaAllah when I go for the wet hijama.  So much benefit  as claimed in the homeopathy medical field, used for thousands of years in the eastern world, and my favorite reason to learn more about it…it’s Sunnah, and with Sunnah..you can’t go wrong inshaAllah!

About the happenings at Masjid an-Nabi, I have a phone number, so jot it down starting with the country code: (966) 04-823-2400.  Good to use for Umrah planning too I guess, because you can ask them questions on the hours for Rawdah, or whatever the current events and timings are. Finally, a year later I got it and inshaAllah from a dear sister..inshaAllah I hope to make a page with all the important numbers of Madinah somewhere on this blog for anyone’s interest, because getting info on Madinah if you’re not here can be very difficult.  Anyways, I used it to gain info about the Quran tajweed circles for my girls. InshaAllah in a week we hope to start heading there 4 nights a week between Maghrib and Isha for their classes. That’s if there’s room for them because I guess they are lacking qualified teachers these days for their halaqas where normally that hasn’t been a problem in the past. Allah knows best.  My son on the other hand, who isn’t 5 yet can’t be registered, too young.  But on the woman’s side of the Haram they have classes for boys 5 to 6 years old.  Nothing for them younger, and if older than 6 then they have to be studying the Book of Allah in the brother’s section. 

Which reminds me, we were walking in the other night and mashaAllah lots of space now that the hujjaj are gone and no one is here on an Umrah visa yet, the female guard on the right told me that he’s too old and needs to be with his father! I said “What?? him?!!..he’s 4!!” Subhan’Allah..people here..(ok, no gossip) The guard on our left said, “yeah..he’s young!” (arabic ofcourse)..backing me. We walked in without problems and I had to remind my little sheikh that he’s growing too fast, masha’Allah. He usually goes with his baba anyway..but we were going to be there a little longer than usual, so I insisted he come with me. Alhamdulilah. Modesty here can not be overtold…it is everywhere and with everything.  This is the religion, this is the culture, but I can’t deny that sometimes it is a little beyond necessary..beyond deen.  I have seen boys as young as 7 not allowed to enter the Haram with their moms, and my own daughter who was 7 was not allowed to enter with my husband. Entrance into Masjid an-Nabawi is actually more of a process with checking the bags, asking to surrender cameras, gender segregation, foods and the like than entering Masjid al-Haram in Makkah…even during these slow days.  Kheir inshaAllah. 

Today my husband went with some of his colleagues to the Quran Printing Complex. I don’t have the site bookmarked but I can get it later and add it that page I’d like to complete inshaAllah.  Last year when my mother visited, it was only 3 months into my new life here, they denied my mother and I from entering.  No women allowed, only around hajj time and by large group appointments apparantly, hmm..whatever. I blow these situations off because if I dwell I’ll get ticked and the beauty here in Madinah outweighs the culural flaws of Saudi society. Alhamdulilah.  Anyways, as I was saying..my husband told me that there was a Quran being sold for a ridiculous amount of 1875.oo riyals?! Quran is priceless and I guess what made this so expensive was the gold ink and whatever else you can imagine.  There’s got to be a fatwa against that somewhere!! To be fair though, the Complex is responsible for printing and distributing Qurans all across the world, even Braille..which ofcourse I as an OT, alhamdulilah would totally advocate for.  He also told me there was like a 3 foot Quran for about 60 riyals.  I actually think it would be helpful to have something like this around for teaching the kids arabic, and within a sensory approach to learning Ayat Allah. Various languages obviously.  I like the color coded Tajweed though and my husband told me most of those are made in Syria, but with the large fonts it wouldn’t be so difficult I guess. We’ll see inshaAllah.

Another thing we did recently was head off to the Darussalam bookshop.  I had to force myself not to buy more.  Mahsa’Allah, really great books.  I bought a planner that has ayat on every page in Arabic and English, surprisingly cheap.  One thing I was about to pick up, but then didn’t is a Children’s Encyclopedia on Islam.  Pics of ancient ruins with stories from the Quran..but they got enough and I already need to finish up a few books here with them (and myself) before I get anymore.  Although I don’t think I can be that strong against the temptation next time inshaAllah!

I think I got more personal than I usually do here at “Luminosity” in this post, but at the same time, I hope to show some of the richness of what its like here in Madinah Munawarra. Forgive me if I’ve said anything in error, my intention was just to portray some clips of my life while hopefully encouraging others to have hope in Allah’s Mercy and Fearing His Wrath..a balance I try to find and maintain evey moment (or at least I should)…may Allah help us all find that balance. AMEEN.

…and Allah Knows Best.