Luminosity

Well, if you read my last post you know about a few of the comments made by the staff at my daughter’s school in regards to our hijrah insha’Allah. I do not get into the detail of what the motivation is for us to leave this land right now, aside that my husband was offered a one-year contract in Madinah Munawarra. Maybe people think he’s going to make much more money: false.  Maybe they think, we are just crazy: false. Maybe they think we are just in it for the adventure: false…especially with 4 small kids! Maybe they think we are Muslim extremists: umm, definantly false. But no one has really confronted us and asked us.  Unanimously, people have said “Well, it will be an experience.” As if anything in life isn’t an experience in itself. I just go with that, because their comments are things I have considered, and alhamdulilah have gotten over it..pretty quickly too.  To be fair I don’t blame them to a certain extent.  Questions don’t bother me, what annoys me is the way things are questioned.  There are two ways in finding answers: 1. To speculate and ask even though one has an answer already, just for the purpose of challenging. and 2. To ask out of true curiosity, out of sincerity.  So, whatever it is they think, perhaps many..or maybe just a few may come to assume we are doing this for the seeking Allah’s Mercy that we, or at least I am in so desperate need of, especially when it comes to being a mother to four young kids. But for whatever reason they speculate, the only thing that matters is that Allah keeps my heart pure without any interference from Shaitan inciting arrogance or even just confidence that this hijrah is accepted from Allah.

Allah knows the essence of my heart more than I do, and for my soul’s sake, I pray that it always remains on the side of righteousness.  So as some “non-believing in anything” woman (pretty much admittingly almost an atheist) recently said to me: ” To cover up entirely is sort of like an ostentation as if a woman dressed in Islamic dress code is saying “look how pious I am.” As livid as I was, I had to let it go. (but I didn’t!…and then I did)…     Basically, what happened was we went back and forth via email (yeah I know her, she works at my daughter’s school!) and then I was so flamed that I was about to just tell her off and send her Surat Al-Kaafiroon when my husband and father told me that it’s not worth fighting ignorance and that I should have just let it go from the beginning. But this was the same woman who asked me how would I explain to my children all the public beheadings and executions that go on in the Holy Lands? Hmm…definantly ignorant, so I finally did what I should have done..and I let it go.  But with everything it was a test that a lesson was laid out for me.  This comment though was also a warning to me, that just because I am there or that Allah may facilitate my life to be there…doesn’t make me any better than the next Muslimah in Australia, the UK, or here in Boston.  It added to my presumed thoughts that although there are many virtues to Madinah Munawarra and opportunities to be gained from there insha’Allah, that there will still be my ego, my temperment with the kids, my own personal issues that I will have to face…and to really benefit from the land there is to truly overcome these weakenesses I definantly possess.  To pray out of routine, to be numb to the sound of the adhaan, to have decreased tears roll down my face everytime I walk into the Holy Mosques be it in Madinah Munawarra or Makkah Al-Mukarrama, to not grasp onto the Arabic as I should, to take what I have for granted…and much more, will be held against me on the Day of Judgement if I let Shaitan get the best of me. May Allah protect us from Allah’s Wrath and from the temptations of this donia that seem so tasty yet are really gross come Resurrection time.

As much as we have for baraka, there are quizzes in every single bit of the blessings.  Everything good in our life, even those leftovers in the fridge eaten especially at suhoor, or that faucet that magically turns on clean water…are gifts from Allah, and perhaps even more than that they are tests yielding gratefulness or conceit.  So although this is a hijrah to Madinah insha’Allah, and although people think I am wack, blessed, adventurous, or brainwashed maybe….whatever…the thing that holds the most truth is that I am tested, such as everyone else…and this might be the way that Allah wills  His test for me and my, a hijrah to Madinah Munawarra insha’Allah…

 May Allah guide us all on the Straight Path…Ameen. We all need the guiding…

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